god hates protesters

A few days ago one of my friend's linked to the Huffington Post's "best protest" signs, which I found hysterical. Today, another friend and gay activist linked to god hates protesters. You've really got to stop by and check these out - they're hilarious.

This was my favorite; I actually laughed out loud.

fat bottomed girl gets fit

Ah, weight loss. How I loathe thee. I mean, I love losing weight, but it's the constant battle with my body that I hate.

So I'm finally trying to do something about it that doesn't involve wasting money on more diet books, a trip to GNC to put some weird chemicals in my body, or torturing myself over every ounce of booze, chip of chocolate and quarter cup of ice cream. (Honest to god, when was the last time you ate only 1/4 cup of ice cream in one sitting?)

This morning my darling friend/colleague/mentor/lifecoach Ruthie sent me a link to one of her favorite blogs, Fit Bottomed Girls. Today they have a post about how blogging can help with your weight loss goals, and since my creative blogging juices haven't been flowing quite so freely of late I figured I'd give it a try.

I would love for food to not be an issue in my life. I know I need to change my relationship with food, because it's currently not a good one. It's just always THERE, literally and figuratively. And when other things in my life are going less-than-well it's one of the first things I turn to for either comfort or a sense of control - both reasons are unhealthy. Food and my weight became a much bigger issue than they should have in my last relationship (clearly symptoms of the much bigger problems that lead to its demise). He just couldn't understand the problem:

Him: Well if you want to lose weight, just eat less and exercise more.
Me: Holy shit! I can't believe I've never thought of that!! You've solved my lifetime of food/weight/body image issues in one sentence! Hazaah!

Yeah. That didn't end well.

But I do feel stupid for disliking my weight and not being able to just lose it. My therapist has suggested Weight Watchers, and I know so many people who swear by it, but I really don't have the time or the money (although, if losing weight is so important I should make time). Fortunately the fantastic Ruthie also informed me that with a referral NYU provides up to 12 visits with a nutritionist. Done.

I was told to keep a food journal with the approximate quantities and times I was eating. I was concerned about my first visit. If she was super skinny I was going to hate her immediately. Also, being in a university setting, I knew the majority of her patients would be anorexic and/or bulimic girls on the verge of heart failure, and I just had this image in my mind of me walking down the corridor like Godzilla, breaking the emaciated waifs in half as my giant hips swished from side to side like a wrecking ball, their bony frames impaled into the walls. Move over, skeletons, fatty's coming through!

Fortunately, that didn't happen. No one else was there, and the nutritionist is slender but not skinny, athletic but not jacked. She's a little perky, and she's about my age, so I still hold both of those things against her as a person but not as a professional. When I expressed my frustration over not being able to put my knowledge into action she totally validated my feelings, which was a huge help. "Most Americans are hyper-aware of nutrition. You dieters probably know more than I do about calories. If it was about knowledge, I wouldn't have a job."

I left the first meeting feeling, well, hopeful. I can be fixed. Who knew? So what am I learning? Since it's free knowledge and most people would have to pay $80 a session to see a nutritionist, I feel I should share:

• Keep a journal. It's one of the most proven techniques for changing the role of food in your life. For example, the nutritionist realized in our first session that 6pm is my problem hour. Everything's good up until then. So now I plan out a snack for around that time period, before I head home to make dinner. I'm much less likely to stop and get chips, candy, etc.
• Splenda or sugar? Go with sugar. Splenda has 4 calories a packet; sugar has 16. But because Splenda is a chemical (e.g. foreign substance) the body doesn't digest it in the same way. It ferments in your digestive system, giving you bloating and gas. It also spikes your sugar levels, so you'll be hungrier sooner.
• Don't deny yourself foods. If anything is off limits, you obsess over it.
• Counting calories isn't necessary. If you "save up" calories for splurges, you tend to go crazy, and again you obsess over what you're going to "spend" those calories on.
• Have dessert as dessert, a.k.a. after a meal. The protein and fiber from your meal will a) make you eat less, and b) slow down the body's processing of the sugar, so it's less likely to spike your blood sugar.

What she's working on with me is based on the book Intuitive Eating, which I've bought but haven't read yet. The idea is that if you listen to your body, it'll tell you when it's hungry and when it's full - I actually have a hunger and fullness scale that I use to measure my feelings before and after I eat. (1 = passing out; 10 = you've stuffed yourself so much the food is coming back up your esophagus because there is physically no more space in your stomach; the goal is to stay between a 3 and a 7).

In the first 2 weeks I gained 1lb. Definitely wasn't happy getting off the scale, but I'm sticking with it. It's going to take more than 2 weeks to change a lifetime of bad habits. I'll keep you updated.

Now, if you'll excuse me, fatty needs a snack - she's at a 3 and getting grumpy.

have mercy!

A few months ago you helped my friend Stacey win a cake for having the best engagement story. Last night was Stacey's bachelorette party in NYC, and it could not have been a more perfect way to complete the story.

Her friend Kyle, who had been integral in orchestrating the proposal, went to see Bye Bye Birdie last week, which happens to be currently starring the one and only John Stamos. Kyle met the former Full House star at the stage door after the show and told him the bride-to-be's story. Uncle Jessie loved it, and when Kyle told him the bachelorette was going to be in the city the next week, Stamos assured him that he'd come out and say "hi." Only 2 people out last night knew this until dinner.

We waited outside for about 30 minutes. When the cast starting coming out we had to pretend like we'd seen the show and say, "good job!" to all the kids signing playbills around us. When Mr. Stamos finally came out we had to beat off the beast of a woman behind us desperately trying to get an autograph. I heard one of the girls say, "Can you move your playbill out of the shot?!" and immediately grabbed the woman's wrist and yanked it out of the way. Stacey had already made it very clear that if we didn't get a good picture of her and her Greek TV hero, she would slay us.

Stamos did not disappoint. He had Stacey tell the story again; she told him he made being Greek cool when she was little; he kissed her on the cheek, gave her a hug, and signed her "bachelorette" sash. It was PFA - pretty fucking awesome.

feeling like fall

Despite my apprehension over back-to-school, I am loving signs of fall. I wish we could get a few weeks or even days of the low 70's/high 60's weather; that doesn't seem to be happening. But I'm ready for fall - I want to switch out my clothes, put away all the skirts and capri pants I never fit into this summer anyways, pack up the sandals, and break out the sweaters. I think fall is my best season. Skirts with thick tights and knee-high boots, warm sweaters with jeans, and a fleece blanket on my lap while I enjoy the fall line-up (I actually put the season premiere's of House, How I Met Your Mother, and Glee on my calendar).



You know what else fall means? Pumpkins. I love pumpkins. I love seeing them, decorating them, baking with them, and - most of all - eating them. I make a phenomenal pumpkin-pear crumble; I highly recommend giving it a try. So imagine my excitement yesterday when I went to the grocery store near my office to pick up a snack and saw Stonyfield had a limited edition pumpkin pie flavored yogurt. I like pie, and I like pie flavored yogurt - apple pie, key lime pie, lemon meringue pie - all good things. Now imagine my disappointment when, after swirling my spoon through the thick, creamy, pale pumpkin colored goop, I tasted it. I kind of smacked my lips for a few seconds trying to decide if I liked it, and then my face puckered like I'd bit into a lemon. NG - no good. They don't use aspartame or other artificial sweeteners in their products, so I don't know what that aftertaste was, but I did not like. Highly disappointing.



But to leave a sweet taste in my mind, if not my mouth, and a smile on my face, fortunately I have other pumpkins to please me.

never say never

Stephanie sent out a link today to pictures of the kdis she had taken a few weeks ago. They are so cute. Zachary is getting so big, and Kayley is continuing her transformation from "baby" to "little girl" in the most amazing ways (we "talked" on the phone a few weeks ago - it was awesome).

I love my niece and nephew. I love having a matching set - one of each. But I certainly wouldn't say "no" to another one. I sent Steph an e-mail telling her what beautiful children she and Scott produce, and asked if they were considering a third.

Her response?

Wed, Sep 9, 2009 at 11:10 AM,
Amy wrote:
soooo, thinking about a 3rd?

ARE YOU INSANE!!!!!

I'm not sure if that's a "maybe" or a "not right now."