What's the skinny?

This has been bothering me for the last week. I bought Self magazine during my 3 hr layover in DFW, and decided to try the one month body makeover. I made it through the first week, we'll see what happens with the next 3. Anywhoodle, Workout #1 (lose 8 lbs) is accompanied by these pics:

It's definitely the same model - you can see that the hair is exactly the same and, more importantly, so is the background (there's no way they set up another shoot 4 weeks later). So my question is did they airbrush her thin or chubby? I mean, god forbid they use 2 models, or have someone actually do the workouts (although I wouldn't want a "plus sized" model - who are 10's or 12's btw - to have to lose weight, but this just feels wrong. It's like used false lashes in mascara advertisements.)

Hello, ladies!

Magazine tear + digital camera = who needs a scanner

And in case you couldn't figure it out, these are the Stuart Weitzmans I have been dreaming about.

Favorite Things

Thanks, Diane, for sharing your favorite things:

• Flavored tea
• Colored paper clips shaped like hearts
• Beautiful note cards from Elum

And here are my favorite things that I hope Casey is enjoying.

Things I love, Real and Simple

After an issue-less August I'm chalking up to the move, the September Real Simple arrived and has been delighting me for the past 2 days.

These modular linen tiles from Pottery Barn were featured as a way to hang jewelry with pearl tipped straight pins, and I am absolutely going to copy that idea.

Then there are the fall fashions. I am totally in love with the preppy-diva trend. I love men's ware made fem and think this may be because I was heavily influenced by Annie Lennox circa "Sweat Dreams" as a child. Specifically, on page 102 there is a pair of Stuart Weitzman heels that I an infatuated with. I cannot find a picture of them online and that makes me want to cry, because I can't share their brilliance with you if you don't have the current RS handy, but I will try to describe them, knowing in advance that mere words cannot do them justice – the toe strikes the perfect balance between pointy and rounded, the material is a black and white tweed with black patent leather accents, including 3” skinny heels and a Mary Jane strap just below the ankle bone. They are so me. I don’t want to make love to them per se, rather I want to take them to dinner and buy them a nice piece of jewelry to let them know how special they are.

In my desperate hunt for those beauties I found this AWESOME blog – kindred sole, clearly! – and these cutie patooties from Kenneth Cole’s Unlisted line (Unlisted is to Kenneth Cole as Old Navy is to Banana Republic, with the Reaction line being on par with the Gap - and incidentally the website I would those shoes on is the Gap, Inc.'s new shoe site.)

Now, these shoes are unrealistic on many levels. For starters, now that I live in SoCal I'm not sure I'm going to get a fall. I'm sure people wear fall clothes because they're morons - I've seen girls in Ugg boots and shearling coats in January even though it's still in the 60's - but I don't want to be like that. Second, where would I wear them? To the library at UCSD where everyone else is in flip flops, or maybe ballet flats if they're feeling spunky? Babysitting? It probably wouldn't go over to well if one of my charges impaled themself on my shoe. Finally, at $299 they are ever so slightly out of my price range. Although, compared to these $540 Dior Mary Janes they're a steal!

And I prefer the Weitzmans...

Fashion Fright

I don’t know how I’ve stayed silent on this issue for so long – I think I’ve blocked it out. The time has come, however, to address a serious issue – the monokini. I recall having one of these in my pre-teen years, but I was a) pre-teen, aka no body yet and b) the cut outs were much, much smaller – like tennis ball size.

I have a problem with bathing suits no matter what. Racing suits have always plagued me – they squish the beejesus out of my already little bosoms, accentuate the “fullness” of my stomach, hips and bum, and leave awful tan lines. My main problem areas are thutt (where the thighs meet the butt) and my love handles. My only hope for the thutt would be a granny skirt, but at that is really not an option. At 27 there is no excuse for a swimsuit tutu. I do have a shred of dignity left, and I am clinging to it for dear life.

So what are my options? Wetsuit? Slightly drastic, and I worry I’d be mistaken for a seal and hunted for my pelt. One pieces seem like the logical alternative because at least they cover my stomach and hips, but I have a short torso and one pieces can flatten out the little ones, which are some of my few assets. When my belly button is below a 2-knuckle depth on my index finger I use this as a green light for the bikini. Triangle tops make my mammaries look sad and saggy, so I generally opt for a wide-strap halter top and a medium rise bottom with full back coverage, emphasis on the full. Like this (although the model's mons pubis looks freakishly long - maybe it's the print). My clavicle is one of the few spots on my body not carrying a little extra weight, along with my ears and my gums, and I think this style accentuates it.

The monokini is the antithesis to my ideal bikini. This piece of clothing, if you want to call it that, falls squarely into the category of “Things Only Gweneth Paltrow/Sienna Miller/Giselle Bunchen Should Wear And Even Then I’m Still On The Fence,” along with cropped cigarette pants, high wasted pencil skirts, and shoes that tie up the leg. What fashion industry genius sat in a room and dreamed up this water weary monstrosity? There is nothing I fear greater than the image of me in one of these – already short torso made stumpier by the center strap AND side cutouts to allow my fat to spill out like the foam on an overflowing draft Guiness. Bleck. Dear god I want to give up carbs for 5-7 days just thinking about it. Pass the Alli.

A final, if somewhat tangential, note on swimwear. WTF with metal bits? Don’t get me wrong, I love shiny like a magpie, but am I the only one that thinks this isn’t the best accoutrement to put on an item meant to be worn in the sun? Wouldn’t this burn into your flesh?

Why does this remind me of a children's game timer?

My fear is that this skanktastic swimwear is going to end up on sale racks – and with good reason! – and be scooped up by the fashion un-savvy. I beg you all to spread the anti-monokini message.

Life's little luxuries

Three years ago when I wandered into BCBG, was seduced by the personal shopper and blew my whole tax rebate (before I knew it was coming - a little retrospective justification never hurt anyone) I noticed something - expensive clothes are made better. The dresses fit better, they hung better, they had little snap tabs on the to hold your bra straps in place. The luxury was in the details.

On my recent trip back east I flew first class (when you're in a long distance relationship you rack up a lit of frequent flyer miles). Now American Airlines is the Payless of the skies (although, in defense of Payless their style really has been improving) - they don't even have individual televisions in the seats! - but you just get treated better. Go right to the check-in desk? Sure! Separate line with no wait at security? Yee haw! Board first? Don't mind if I do, and might I add these warmed nuts are delicious. My luggage was even the first on the carousel! I thought it was a coincidence until it happened in both JFK and SAN.

As I took the boss's car for service this morning I was dazzled by all the buttons - the adjustments you can make on the driver's seat are seemingly endless. I particularly enjoyed the lumbar support. Now I can't say I have much to go by in the way of comparison, but the Audi dealership seemed like the Four Seasons of car dealerships - they even had a little gift shop and cafe! The best perk for me? Two words - loaner car. If only I had somewhere to go on a road trip! The garden center at Home Depot didn't really cut it.

Cutest Niece EVER

Steph has already acknowledged that later on they might have some regrets about encouraging Kayley to stick her tongue out for her 'baby's first trick.'

But right now it's wicked cute.

Eating my way through the North East

I like to do gastronomic traveling. The food on the plane was, shockingly, less than exciting, but NYC was worth the trip. Here are some of the highlights:

• burgers & beers at Fanelli's
• mac & cheese at Nolita House
• champagne at Palio
• pizza at Lombardi's
• all sorts of deliciousness at 'inoteca

Back in MA, it's been a return to basics with my dad's steak tips, Richardson's ice cream, and a meatball sub. Tomorrow night I'll be in the bleacher seats at Fenway Park, so a Fenway Frank and a few $9 Bud Lights might be in order. And then I'll head back to CA before my BMI exceeds legal state limits!

Is there a doctor in the house?

CONGRATULATIONS to Ms. Rebecca Kate Glauber, PhD (!!) who successfully defended her dissertation this afternoon. Dr. Glauber will be joining the faculty at the University of New Hampshire this fall, where she will educate inquisitive young minds about the intersection of race, marital status and gender inequality in the labor market and, hopefully, teach her colleagues a thing or to about how academic fashion is done in the new millennium. Yay Bec!

(Left to right: Jane, moi, Dr. Bec, Owen, Sarah)

Coastal Comparison

New York

HIGH: 76°
LOW: 68°
HUMIDITY: 80%
RAIN: 90%
Cloudy. Periods of rain, mostly in the morning. Downpours possible. Isolated flooding possible. Flood watch in effect.

Solana Beach

HIGH: 77°
LOW: 65°
HUMIDITY: 0%
RAIN: 10%
A few clouds this morning, but generally sunny for the afternoon. Same forecast for the next 10 days.

Now I remember why I moved.

Professional Student

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What do we think of these?

Grilling 101

Tip #1: When it says on the package to soak wooden skewers in water for at least 30 minutes prior to grilling, this is less of a suggestion and more of a safety must.

Tip #2: When using matches because the starter is out, don't turn the gas all the way up, close the lid, walk away for a minute, and then through a lit match on the grill - or, if you do, stand back a good 5 feet.

Tip #3: Singed arm hairs can be trimmed using men's beard clippers. Afterwards, apply a nicely scented moisturizer and patiently wait for regrowth.

The P.A. Experience

You know those assholes in their expensive cars zooming down the freeway, weaving in and out of lanes without signaling and scaring you within an inch of your life? I was in the death seat of one this morning as my employer rushed to make his early morning international flight.

I suggested we take advantage of the commuter lane. "I think that's illegal at this point," he said, referring to the fact that we would have to cross the double solid line. I was too busy muttering every prayer I could remember to point out that running several red lights and driving on the wrong side of the road weren't behaviors condoned by California Highway Patrol.

While he's away I'm getting the car serviced, ordering dance tickets, and delivering freshly picked tomatoes to Suzie at the bank (as you do). It sounds so glamorous in print - trust me, the reality isn't quite the same. Maybe it's the dirty laundry in the back seat of the car or the rotting bananas and unidentifiable smushed "health food" bars - I think it's a combination.

I barely slept last night and my shoulders are wrecked from the week on the futon so I think a massage is in order (courtesy of Mia's bday gift - thanks babe!!).

Home Alone

We're freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The house guests departed this morning - yippee! We spent the last day with a trip to the beach - where I almost swam into a sea lion! I wasn't wearing my contacts and all of a sudden Paul was calling to me to swim over. Apparently our friend Mark saw it as it was about to swim between Paul and me. I was out further than it, and Paul, rightly so, thought I might get a little freaked out if it popped up beside me - and the dad's wife was stung by a jellyfish - I'm sorry, I know I'm evil, but I can't help thinking there's some type of karma involved there, of course then we had to listen to her .... - some car washing and impromptu gardening (the fun never ends around here!), steaks and Notes on a Scandal. There was a 10 min period where I thought she was going to talk through the entire movie, and I was contemplating all my passive and not so passive aggressive options for indicating that movie watching = quiet time; luckily, we watched in relative silence.

Now we just have to wash all the kitchen, bedroom and bath linens we own and move back into our own bedroom - woo hoo!