Happy Halloween

Have you got your costume?

While I find it hard to top my costume from a few years back, I just try to be creative. This year I'm going to be a cowgirl stripper on her day off. How do you dress as that? you may ask. It's all in the details. I've got jeans that lace up in the front with suede ties. I've got a black lace and leopard print bra to show through a white tank top, and over that I'm wearing a plaid shirt tied up in the front. I've got boots, a hat, and a gun in a holster. I'm still looking for a temporary tattoo for my chest - preferably a rose or an aquatic mammal - but yesterday found some great giant, gold heart earrings. The pièce de résistance - glittery French manicured, chunky acrylic nails, the hallmark of the stripper.

I've got to teach this afternoon, and then I'll be heading out with some of the boys to pregame before the parade. I've never been before and am excited to be part of the action. I also get to play make-up artist to my lovies Peter and Mikey. They will be dressing as Sue and Mona, two 1982 flight attendants based out of Milwaukee. They're part of a larger flight crew that includes Captain Stewart and First Officer Maverick. Impromptu safety demonstrations will be given, and there will be a snack option of peanuts or biscotti.

Until then, I just need to try and be moderate with my high-fructose corn syrup intake.Nothing's worse than a candy corn hangover.

Dear Red States,

There's a major grading back log over here, so blogging has had to take a back seat, but I wanted to pass along this funny (shared by one of my students):

Dear Red States,

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation.

To sum up briefly:

• You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states
• We get stem cell research and the best beaches
• We get the Statue of Liberty
• You get Dollywood
• We get Intel and Microsoft
• You get WorldCom
• We get Harvard
• You get Ole' Miss
• We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs
• You get Alabama
• We get two-thirds of the tax revenue.
• You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 % lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League schools, plus Stanford, Berkeley and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, and virtually 100% of all televangelists.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you believe you are people with higher morals then we blues.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

The Blue States

From the mouth of a second grader...

pointing to a photo of McCain "He doesn't care about anybody but himself!"
"This one" (pointing to Obama) "He cares about the entire earth!"*

*Thanks, Mrs. H., for sharing this one.

bacon free Halloween

My roommate is having a Halloween party at the apartment next Saturday. I invited #3. Last night we were discussing possible costume ideas for him.


He just sent me this:

Subject: this would be so hot!
From: new boy
Sent: Fri 10/24/08 3:54 PM
To: me

http://baconbaconbacon.tumblr.com/post/56179959/halloween-costume-found-why-not-dress-up-as

To which I replied this:

Subject: RE: this would be so hot!
From: me
Sent: Fri 10/24/08 4:17 PM
To: new boy


if that's going to make you happy, go for it, but let's just be clear
that i will not a) dress up as bacon or b) be seen with you if you do

You just gotta nip some things in the bud.

life in the fast lane

Leave it to me to fuck up dating.

Here's how the whole thing started. One of my boy-toys from the summer - Rhode Island - came to visit a few weeks ago. We hung out, went to dinner, yadda yadda yadda. I had more fun than I thought I would, but when we were watching TV and having beers he asked me where I went to school. And he didn't know I spoke French. We met in July. Now I didn't want a relationship, and this one had no potential (for starters he's a non-voting Libertarian), but it was a mutually respectful and beneficial arrangement, and we enjoyed each other's company. If we could have only seen each other after 10pm it would have been perfect, but because of the living-in-different-states aspect of things, that wasn't possible. We had to spend some time together, and how can you know me for 3 months and not know where I go to school? It's not just that he didn't remember, I'm not sure he had ever asked.



So after he left that Sunday I went online and created a profile. I wasn't sure I wanted to date, but I felt spurred into action, they way sometimes you might join the gym and buy some new exercise clothes - it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to work out. But then the dating began, and before I could get through the first week I had already fucked it up. I "met" someone.



The Friday night date with #3 was great. He was sweet and attentive and affectionate in front of his coworkers without being clingy or smothering me. We went to a party where some of my friends were, and he fit right in. Again, I didn't want the date to end. And it didn't. We had a slumber party (but kept it very PG-13, lest my sister think she needs to stop reading at this point). Saturday I had some stuff to do, but we decided to hang out later in the afternoon. We had dinner and watched a movie. Sunday he had an important football game to watch, but he came over that night. We ordered the most delicious Cuban food with my roommate & her friend (who kept pulling me aside to smile broadly at me and give me the thumbs up or a little conspiratorial arm squeeze) and made cupcakes.



There was an awkward moment Sunday afternoon where I had to call #2 - who had left messages Friday and Saturday night - and tell him that I was going to have to indefinitely postpone our date because I had "clicked" with someone, wanted to see where it went, and felt dishonest seeing more than one person at a time. He was clearly disappointed, as he had been very eager to tell me the "volcano" on his face had gone down, but he told me to keep him in mind. I also canceled my second date with #1 - over text message, no less, which may have been slightly tacky.



This week I have purposefully spent less time with #3. Tuesday night he made me dinner, and we watched the new episode of "Iconoclasts" (because that's the project he just finished), but that's it til next Tuesday. I'm headed home for the weekend, and that's a good forced break. I'm trying not to over-analyze things, but that's kind of like me saying I'm trying to cut back on shoe shopping. On the one hand, I really don't want to get into something right now and feel like I need some solo time. On the other hand, I'm picturing what our wedding photos would look like.

I really need to learn how to "take things slow." So much for dating. Would you settle for confessions of a serial monogamist?

O'bama

Dating update to come - promise - sorry for falling off the wagon, but in the meantime I need to make a plug for my friend Erin. She has made a temporary career change from academic to entrepreneur. Check out her wares:

With advertising like that, who wouldn't want one?

dating and grading

Week 1 of dating is drawing to a close, and it's already been very busy. #1 invited me to a gallery opening tonight - sounds so New York, even for living here - but I have to teach til 9 and then I have a standing date w/ Peter on Thursdays for dinner and Grey's Anatomy. At the end of his e-mail he wrote:

I'm excited about the possibility of earning another kiss

Well buying me dinner would be a good start! (note to self: free kisses reserved for Kayley and the rest of my munchkins - boys must pay a booze tax, 2 drink minimum). We have tentative plans for Sunday.

I was concerned that if I started online dating I'd use it as a way to procrastinate on my work, and I was right (of course). Today I spent way too much time texting #3. He called me last night, and we talked for 30 min. I believe I'm unofficially smitten.

At least the dating is a bright light filtering in through the mound of papers I'm buried underneath. Seriously, I just got 50 midterms at 10pg a pop. Last night I was grading for my night class and wanted to jab the pen in my eye just to break the monotony. Fortunately I was wearing my glasses, and they created a protective barrier. Tomorrow I've got a 4pm date with another TA to drink and grade. Everyone asks, "You grade drunk?!" Sip, don't chug. I don't always, but it does make the process more enjoyable. Afterwards I have my second date with #3 - we'll both have been drinking beforehand, and then the party we're going to has an open bar. Stories, I'm sure, will be plentiful, if not necessarily bloggable.

daily date update

Last night's date was great! I didn't want it to end, and while he was in the bathroom I texted as much to my friend Jane, to which she replied, "Don't be a floozy." Me? Never!

Guy #3 is definitely in the lead. We met outside the cafe, sat and actually decided to have dinner. We ordered the same things - falafel with dill yogurt sauce, Stella, and we split fries. He's nerdy, but in a cute way, and smart and funny. He dropped his ex-girlfriend in the conversation before the second round of drinks which was a -10pts, but in his defense it was in reference to his living situation in Savannah, where apparently they had ghosts who were upset about their departure. We chatted with the waitress about Colin Quinn who came in - he frequently performs at the comedy club downstairs - and when the bill came (drum roll please) he picked up the tab! But not without a light-hearted negotiation.

We then moved on to another bar where I bought 2 rounds of drinks ($3 bottle specials at 99 Below everyone - check it out!) and talked music and movies. We ended up closing that place, and then had a last round (#7 to be precise - I don't know how I wasn't on the floor, I was tipsy at 4 Sunday), fought over Oprah, thumb wrestled (as you do on a first date) and discussed his love of bacon and my baking skills. Then they unplugged the neon beer signs and shut the lights off, so we took that as a sign to go.

Let's see, what else - he's 6' tall, dark hair, dark eyes, he's a Libra, wears glasses, isn't a douche bag (it actually says that in his profile!), and can fold fitted sheets. We were talking cleaning and OCD tendencies and, I'm not gonna lie, it was hot. The night ended with a steamy make-out session on 6th Ave before we got on the F train going in opposite directions. (He lives in Queens - minus 15 pts - but he has a car - plus 25 pts). I sent him a text letting him know I was home safe, he wrote back wishing me a good night, and today we've been sending chatty/flirty e-mails. I get that fun-but-slightly-scary anticipatory feeling every time I check my e-mail, and I save his messages for last and read the junk stuff first. His friend/co-worker is screening her new movie tonight, and he invited me to the after-party on Friday.

I like #3, but I also have a tendency to go from being in love with a guy to wishing him grievous bodily harm in about 10 days. I'm just trying to go with the flow.

Which is why, when I get home, I'm going to return #1's call from yesterday. I wonder how #2's responding to the antibiotics.

(up)date

Since noon I've managed to squeeze in drinks tonight with Guy #3, who does media/film production and photography and seems very geek-chic. We've had a good e-mail volley going on, mostly centering a shared appreciation of ice cream which is always a bonus, and he suggested one of my favorite restaurants in the Village for drinks so that's another 10 pts. They have chalkboard tables in the booths so if the date is going badly I can just play tic-tac-toe with myself.

Guy #1 called and left a message, so it looks like a second date will be arranged, and Guy #2 just called to cancel for tomorrow night because he had a zit or something on his face that got infected (he once let something go on his foot and had to spend 5 days in the hospital because it got into his blood stream). Apparently he told his doctor he had a date for Wednesday, and she recommended he cancel. To his credit, he wants to put his best foot forward, and I guess it's hard to do that when you've got a boil on your face, so that date is postponed awaiting medical clearance.

This dating thing is hysterical. I can foresee no shortage of blogging material in the near future.

let the games begin

Sunday night I had my first internet date with Guy #1. It was touch and go with #1, because we had made tentative plans for Sunday night, and Sunday morning the website informed me he had been kicked off for some communication infraction. But we connected and met for a drink at 9:30.

This was a date that would have not gone well without the presence of alcohol. For starters, he didn’t pay. I bought myself a drink because I got to the bar while he was in the bathroom, but when it came time for the next round he didn’t even offer to pay. Nor did he on round three or four. Now I have mixed feelings over the guy paying. I want him to pay, but I feel like somehow that is incongruous with my feminist politics. The more I think about it, however, I realize that’s just not the case. It’s very congruous in fact. Women are still making 78 cents to men’s dollar – the least they can do is pay for dates!

He was shorter than I thought. And scruffier. And a little more hipster, but that was all manageable. He was also a little socially awkward, but in a shy, endearing way, not a creepy way, and he was clearly aware of it. There were some awkward pauses, and, if I’m honest, I felt I brought more to the table than he did. Somewhere around drink 3 we were talking about his family, and I was asking him about his step mother and father and their children, and then there was a pause. I was tempted to lean over, put my hand on his knee, and say, “This is where you ask me about my family, sweetie.”

Apparently I got a little tipsy, because when I woke up the next morning I had to ask myself if I had dreamt the good night kiss, but no, it really happened on the side walk outside the bar. And then I remembered something else from his profile – he’s a “light/social smoker.” He didn’t smoke in front of me, but you can’t hide that in a kiss.

So we’ll see. The date was neither amazing nor terrible. I’m thinking he needs someone a little more introverted and I need someone a little more outgoing, but if he calls I won’t say no to a second date. He just better pay.

Wednesday I’ve got Guy #2 on standby. #2 is the executive chef at a hotel restaurant in midtown. (read = BONUS) We talked for an hour on the phone Sunday before my date with Guy #1. He’s funny and easy to talk to. He went to college on a swimming scholarship and does yoga, which suggests he’d look great naked. He’s also 38 and doesn’t drink at all because “things got a little crazy in his 20s,” but he’s okay with other people drinking. This one could go either way.

ain't no mountain high

This weekend the weather was beautiful, and I took advantage by going for a hike with some friends. I don't know why I've never done this before; just an hour out of the city the Metro-North line drops you off at Breakneck Ridge. We had a little trouble finding the trail head, and we hadn't really understood just how vertical the first hour so would be, but the views were worth it.
That wasn't the only site of the day. Who says fashion and nature can't mix - snakeskin bag anyone?



We finished off the day with some well deserved cocktails in Cold Springs, NY, and soaked up the sunshine, water views, and foliage.

Our buns are still burning from the climb, but I accomplished more before 1pm on Saturday than I do in most week's.

Now if writing my dissertation was only this simple...

so right

So I have started - tentatively - venturing into the world of online dating. Of course some of the first e-mails I got are from absolute creeps. That doesn't bother me too much, because I run into creeps everywhere - at the bars, getting on the subway, running (I know my shirt says Obama - stop staring at my chest and reading it to me, weird old man!). It's just a statistical reality - per every 100,000 people there are going to be X number of creeps.

Anywho, I showed a friend one creep's e-mail. There was a very inappropriate comment, but it did make reference to something in my profile. There is one slightly suggestive remark, and I thought I should remove it, lest it be seen as an open invitation to other creeps.

But my friend made a good point. She said,

Leave it. The rest of your profile is totally normal and not at all suggestive. It's not like under favorite clothing you wrote "nothing." He was going to be a creep no matter what you wrote. You don't stop wearing skirts because somebody whistles at you.

So right. Thanks, Jane.

the "real world"?

Please indulge my self-righteous ranting for moment. I just got an e-mail from an old friend, someone I was really close with in junior high and still close with in high school but have really lost touch with since college. We used to be best friends and not just in the slumber parties and passing notes way; we really had a close bond and did a lot of our growing up together. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up, and apparently that motivated her to get in touch, because today I got an e-mail from here. I literally have not seen or talked to her in at least 2 years, but I give her credit for extending the olive branch. She misses me and wanted to get in touch before the reunion so it wasn't awkward, and that's thoughtful.

However.

It's the end of the e-mail that gets me:

I hope you're doing well. I think you're still at NYU. If you are, I'm totally jealous- the real world sucks.

I'm not sure what she means by the "real world." Don't I live in the real world? It's not like I've spent the last 6 years on some fantasy island. Why don't people think graduate school is real? There was a similar incident right before I left for Cambridge. I was having dinner with several friends, and one girl's beeper kept going off for work. At one point she tossed it on the table and said, "Ugh, don't ever get a real job." What do people think I'm doing in grad school, playing dress-up?

Now, I'll be the first to tell you that there are a lot of cushy aspects of graduate school. I love the flexible schedule. I really enjoy the fact that, at least 3 weekdays a week, I can wake up and think, "I don't actually have to get out of bed." I like that I can do my laundry and grocery shopping at odd hours, that I can work from home if I need to wait for the cable guy or the super, that I can cancel my class because my friend's husband scored us tickets to the So You Think You Can Dance Tour (sooo excited!!). I love that I get to work with my friends! I enjoy the free tub of peanut butter filled pretzels we have at the front desk and that when I feel like I can't keep my eyes open I can go in the lounge of our department and take a nap. Who else gets to nap at work?

Now let me tell you what I don't like about being a graduate student. I don't like the fact that it makes me feel like less than a full adult - which is apparently how other people see it as well. I don't like that my boss is also my co-worker is also my advisor, and she can call me at 10pm on a Saturday to talk about her boyfriend but then expect me to defend my academic career goals in the same conversation. I don't like that I'm constantly feeling like I can and should be doing more, but the lack of concrete deadlines means I've got to figure it out on my own with very little supervision and even less feedback to let me know if I'm headed in the right direction. I don't like that as a teaching assistant I'm part-time, highly exploitable labor. I don't like that I have a base salary of $22,000 a year - before taxes - and that I have to babysit, adjunct, and - still, as I'm approaching 30! - take out student loans to make ends meet. I don't like that I haven't been to see a dentist in almost 7 years because I don't have dental insurance and can't afford it. I don't like that next year, when I go on the job market, I'll compete with about 450 other PhDs and roughly 200 equally qualified job applicants for each position, many of whom will be friends, and that it's going to be just as hard to get a position at a small teaching college as at a larger university. And I really don't like that I'll have to spend the first 3 or 4 years of my career worrying about getting tenure, that is if I'm lucky enough to get a tenure track position.

Now maybe I'm just being defensive, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it. But somehow that's almost worse. Why do people feel like they can make comments like that? How do you not recognize the implied condescension?

debate parties

Will election season in full swing, it's basically all we talk about in the department everyday. Friday night, my roommate and I co-hosted a debate debut part. We were playing a game where we'd drink every time McCain said "spending," but we had to stop because we were starting to feel sick. (Signs you're getting too old to play drinking games for 400, please, Alex.)

Tomorrow night I'm going to another get-together at a friend's place for the VP debate. We're going to have pizza and wine and, according to the latest e-mail, play Palin Bingo. I'm not sure exactly how it'll work, but I can't wait! Let's hope she'll able to give more answers than she gave Katie Couric.