life in the fast lane

Leave it to me to fuck up dating.

Here's how the whole thing started. One of my boy-toys from the summer - Rhode Island - came to visit a few weeks ago. We hung out, went to dinner, yadda yadda yadda. I had more fun than I thought I would, but when we were watching TV and having beers he asked me where I went to school. And he didn't know I spoke French. We met in July. Now I didn't want a relationship, and this one had no potential (for starters he's a non-voting Libertarian), but it was a mutually respectful and beneficial arrangement, and we enjoyed each other's company. If we could have only seen each other after 10pm it would have been perfect, but because of the living-in-different-states aspect of things, that wasn't possible. We had to spend some time together, and how can you know me for 3 months and not know where I go to school? It's not just that he didn't remember, I'm not sure he had ever asked.



So after he left that Sunday I went online and created a profile. I wasn't sure I wanted to date, but I felt spurred into action, they way sometimes you might join the gym and buy some new exercise clothes - it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to work out. But then the dating began, and before I could get through the first week I had already fucked it up. I "met" someone.



The Friday night date with #3 was great. He was sweet and attentive and affectionate in front of his coworkers without being clingy or smothering me. We went to a party where some of my friends were, and he fit right in. Again, I didn't want the date to end. And it didn't. We had a slumber party (but kept it very PG-13, lest my sister think she needs to stop reading at this point). Saturday I had some stuff to do, but we decided to hang out later in the afternoon. We had dinner and watched a movie. Sunday he had an important football game to watch, but he came over that night. We ordered the most delicious Cuban food with my roommate & her friend (who kept pulling me aside to smile broadly at me and give me the thumbs up or a little conspiratorial arm squeeze) and made cupcakes.



There was an awkward moment Sunday afternoon where I had to call #2 - who had left messages Friday and Saturday night - and tell him that I was going to have to indefinitely postpone our date because I had "clicked" with someone, wanted to see where it went, and felt dishonest seeing more than one person at a time. He was clearly disappointed, as he had been very eager to tell me the "volcano" on his face had gone down, but he told me to keep him in mind. I also canceled my second date with #1 - over text message, no less, which may have been slightly tacky.



This week I have purposefully spent less time with #3. Tuesday night he made me dinner, and we watched the new episode of "Iconoclasts" (because that's the project he just finished), but that's it til next Tuesday. I'm headed home for the weekend, and that's a good forced break. I'm trying not to over-analyze things, but that's kind of like me saying I'm trying to cut back on shoe shopping. On the one hand, I really don't want to get into something right now and feel like I need some solo time. On the other hand, I'm picturing what our wedding photos would look like.

I really need to learn how to "take things slow." So much for dating. Would you settle for confessions of a serial monogamist?