I'm a bit of an attention whore. I didn't get enough 'healthy attention' as a child. That's what my therapist tells me. She's a very nice, polished, Jewish woman in her 60's. I'm a recovering Catholic, but I'm very Jew-y.

My sister got married this weekend. I became accutely aware of my attention-seeking antics because a) I talk A LOT, b) I talk even more when I'm nervous, and c) the content of what I say can frequently be described as woefully inappropriate. Take, for example, when my sister's friend and bridesmaid Lisa, a mother of 2, came to my room. I asked her if my present, a gift basket swaddled in a sheer, blue, gossimer fabric, looked like a giant blue abortion. Or, consider me drinking outside the bar with my sister's friends until 2:30 am after the wedding. The sparkling white I was drinking (straight from the bottle, of course) was giving me a tremendous amount of stomach gas, so I kept belching and deflecting the blame onto other people, saying things like, "Goodness, Flavia, you're a mother. Conduct yourself with some dignity!"