what happened to the good 'ol flu?

Saturday I woke up not feeling so well, and by Monday I was sick enough to decide I needed to see a doctor. She said it was probably the flu, but if I didn't get better or got worse I should come back.

Well, I got worse - a lot worse. Tuesday I was too sick to watch t.v. (yeah, try and wrap you're head around that one). Wednesday is was back to the doctors. She gave me a bag of saline to start getting me rehydrated and was going to send me packing with some antibiotics, but felt some more tests were needed. Jane, a real hospital vet, was nice enough to come with me to the ER, where I spent 5 1/2 hrs getting 2 more litres of saline, IV antibiotics, a CT scan, and ended up leaving with the exact same drugs the first doctor was going to prescribe. Those saline bags are liquid magic! (And I'm sure my insurance company will reflect that in their billing.)

The final diagnosis I was handed down? Colitis. Totally non-specific, just a general inflammation of the large intestine, probably caused by something I picked up in my travels (although no one else got anything and I was eating and drinking the exact same things, so I'm a little confused). So after feeling like shit since Saturday, I'm finally on the mend. The symptoms aren't disappearing quite as quickly as I'd hope, but I just need to be a little more patient.

Here's a list of foods I should avoid:

• alcohol
• caffeine
• carbonated beverages
• dairy products, if lactose intolerant
• dried beans, peas, and legumes
• dried fruits, berries, fruits with pulp or seeds
• foods containing sulfur or sulfate
• foods high in fiber, including whole-grain products
• hot sauce, pepper
• meats
• nuts, crunchy nut butters
• popcorn
• products containing sorbitol (sugar-free gum and candies)
• raw vegetables
• refined sugar
• seeds
• spicy foods, sauces

Wouldn't it be easier to just list what I can eat? It's the BRAT diet - bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. I remember it well from my childhood. Although I think it's weird that greasy foods aren't mentioned. Going by this list, you'd think french fries were perfectly okay. It's all the healthy stuff that'll shred your intestines, which made me think that maybe all those morbidly obese people I saw on Oprah today just have colitis.

Today's menu has been pretty exciting:

breakfast - 1 piece of toast, 1/2 a Vitamin Water
snack - water
lunch - unsweetened applesauce with cinnamon
snack - water
dinner - white rice made with chicken broth, ginger ale
snack - 1/2 a banana, water

I know, I know, I got a little gourmet with dinner. I couldn't help myself. Honestly, I'm just so surprised at feeling something akin to hunger for the first time in 5 days. Bring on the rice.