Stationery Swap

Alright girlies, hike up your panties, put on your shopping shoes and get ready to make nice with the mustachioed lady at the post office - it's a

Stationery Swap!

This swap will be co-hosted by Beth over at Shenanigans, making it an international affair. Beth and I both participated in a Favorite Things Swap which was SO cool in theory but a bit blah in practice. We thought this would be a good follow-up, because let's face it, who doesn't need more pretty paper and cool cards to scribble a note on?! Sooooooooooooooo, here are the details:

1. E-mail me at amymleclair[AT]hotmail[DOT]com
2. Include your snail mail address
3. Deadline for entry is Oct. 1

We'll randomly assign swap partners. Purchase some stationary - sheets and envelopes, notecards, be creative - and mail it off by October 15th. I'm counting on all of my regular readers to participate - Steph, Auntie M, Mrs. BananaHammock, Dr. Bec... you get the idea, you know who you are!

Just when you thought she couldn't get worse

Everyone and their plumber is talking about Britney's 'come back' performance from last night's VMAs. In case you missed it, check it out here. I'm not sure I can say anything that hasn't already been said, but I saw Dr. Phil on The View this morning and even he wants to help Britney, so if me and the big Doc P agree on something, I figure it's worth a little further meditation.

For the love of god would someone get this girl an agent, a publicist, a psychoanalyst, a life coach, a big sister, someone, anyone, something! On the San Diego news tonight they're going to interview a PR specialist who will tell us whether this will damage her comeback possibilities. Are you kidding me?? That's not a news story! She's a train wreck. She makes Anna Nicole Smith look like a president of the local PTA. When K Fed looks like the good parent in a relationship, you know the mom is one hot mess. Do you think she cuts herself every time she sees Justin? Do you think he goes to a church, drops $20 in the box (he better have enough self-respect to put more than a buck in) and lights a candle every time he sees her, thanking God, Allah AND Buddah that he got out of that relationship when he did? He gets Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel and/or Jessica Alba and she gets both of her bold bits splashed across the tabloids - it's cosmically unjust.

And shame on the people at MTV for putting that highly unstable girl up to this. She's going to have to live with this for the rest of her life. They couldn't leave her be with the snake performance, the rip-off tux, and the Madonna kiss? What, did they lure her there with OxyContin crusted corn dogs and purple KoolAid spiked with Hennessy? "Here Brit, put on this bra and hot pants. You've got 15 minutes to go over the choreographer with the dancers. Don't worry, we'll watch the boys. Wait, you only brought 1 - did you leave the other one in the car again? Yes, we'll make sure they get their coca-cola bottles."

Paul on Humor

Paul: Aims, do you know if you froze some poop and put it
on a popsicle stick you could call it a poop-sicle. He he.
[long pause]
Me: What is wrong with you?

Twenty minutes later...

Paul: He he.
Me: What are you laughing about?
Paul: hahahhahahahahahahahahahah
[long pause]
Me: You're laughing about the 'poop-sicle' again, aren't
you?
Paul: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Paul on Parenthood

Yesterday Paul sent me an email:

Re: OH...MY...GOD

Evil

Talking about it before bed, he said, "If I had a baby like that I'd lose it [the baby]."

Amy's Guide to Style

I was just watching my DVRed first episode of Tim Gunn's Guide to Style (side note: new series of Project Runway just around the corner, I'd hold my breath if I had the willpower, but if you've seen my hips since '97 you know better). Tim demands every woman have 10 basics for her wardrobe:

1. A basic black dress
2. A trench coat
3. A white shirt
4. Classic dress pants
5. A skirt
6. A blazer
7. A cashmere sweater
8. Jeans
9. A day dress
10. A sweatsuit alternative

AND when Rebecca - the lucky bitch who got, among other things, a Catherine Malandrino dress and a new diamond ring - she's from Hoboken, does she really need either? Sorry, where was I?...oh yeah, when she picked out her #3 what did she decide on?

Can you see it (far right)? It's a collared wrap shirt with military sleeves, not at all unlike the Old Navy top of yesterday's post! Am I good or what?

Back to School

Well, not really. In fact, for the first time in 21 years I will not be in a classroom this fall as either a student or a teacher. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself! I know what I should be doing - writing a dissertation proposal - but that doesn't require new outfits, and back to school shopping is my favorite thing about the fall! New school year, new season, new fall fashions - there's a small chance to reinvent yourself. The great irony is that I'm in a geographical area that basically doesn't experience fall AND this season's preppy chic is so me! (Hello, Stuart Weitzmans...) Here are some things that I hope to adopt into my closet for my fantasy fall wardrobe:

I don't do ankle boots, those are S.M.O. - Sienna Miller Only - but Kiley was rocking this dress when I saw her in NYC and Bec and I both agreed we needed to own it immediately (a small and dull silver lining to living in 3 different states). It's so versatile! Throw a tee shirt underneath and wear with flip-flops for a casual Saturday shopping; turtle neck, ribbed tights, wedge Mary Jane's and you're good for work or school; a strapless bra, light cardigan paired with sexy kitten heels and it's business time! Did I mention that it has pockets?

It's grey, it's wrap, the only buttons are on the sleeves - this is the Oxford I've been waiting for. I always feel like I should have some button-down collared shirts, but then I remember that they look horrible on me. The first week of class this summer one of my students wore this fantastic wrap pinstriped blouse and I was dieing to ask her where it was from but felt that was inappropriate. They also have them at Express but not in good colors.

Love the rich burgundy color, love the hardware detail. Would love to see it draped over my arm.

Normally I would have to add some shoes here, but I refuse to stray from my SWs.

Pajama Party!

I've been invited to a pj party! It's the 1st birthday of one of my little charges so it's a Sunday morning shindig, and it combines 2 of my favorite culinary categories: breakfast foods and baked goods! So far this has been the domain of bridal and baby showers, but there's no reason it can't be used for other occasions. I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. Mental note: next year, have a birthday brunch.

Other exciting aspects are that I get to buy a birthday present for the little munchkin - I love shopping for babies - AND since my pj collection isn't geared towards this climate, I think some new ones might be in order. A few that have caught my eye:






And while I'm sure that Victoria's Secret model is drinking an Izzie, it looks an awful lot like a Corona.

These people made me?

Me: I tried to call your cell phone but it was off.
Mom: We didn't bring it.
Me: Why?! What's the point of having a cell phone? This would be an excellent time to use it.
Mom (exasperated): I don't know how to use it and I was afraid of it going off on the plane.
Me (doubly exasperated): You shut it off on the plane!
Mom: Listen, I don't know how to use it.
Me: Put Dad on the phone.
Dad: Hello!
Me (incredulous): What's the point of having a cell phone if you don't know how to use it?!
Dad: This has been an ongoing saga.
Me: And between the 2 of you you couldn't figure out how to shut it off? You could have just asked the person next to you on the plane!
Dad: I just try and stay out of this.
Me: And they let you rent a car?!

What's the skinny?

This has been bothering me for the last week. I bought Self magazine during my 3 hr layover in DFW, and decided to try the one month body makeover. I made it through the first week, we'll see what happens with the next 3. Anywhoodle, Workout #1 (lose 8 lbs) is accompanied by these pics:

It's definitely the same model - you can see that the hair is exactly the same and, more importantly, so is the background (there's no way they set up another shoot 4 weeks later). So my question is did they airbrush her thin or chubby? I mean, god forbid they use 2 models, or have someone actually do the workouts (although I wouldn't want a "plus sized" model - who are 10's or 12's btw - to have to lose weight, but this just feels wrong. It's like used false lashes in mascara advertisements.)

Hello, ladies!

Magazine tear + digital camera = who needs a scanner

And in case you couldn't figure it out, these are the Stuart Weitzmans I have been dreaming about.

Favorite Things

Thanks, Diane, for sharing your favorite things:

• Flavored tea
• Colored paper clips shaped like hearts
• Beautiful note cards from Elum

And here are my favorite things that I hope Casey is enjoying.

Things I love, Real and Simple

After an issue-less August I'm chalking up to the move, the September Real Simple arrived and has been delighting me for the past 2 days.

These modular linen tiles from Pottery Barn were featured as a way to hang jewelry with pearl tipped straight pins, and I am absolutely going to copy that idea.

Then there are the fall fashions. I am totally in love with the preppy-diva trend. I love men's ware made fem and think this may be because I was heavily influenced by Annie Lennox circa "Sweat Dreams" as a child. Specifically, on page 102 there is a pair of Stuart Weitzman heels that I an infatuated with. I cannot find a picture of them online and that makes me want to cry, because I can't share their brilliance with you if you don't have the current RS handy, but I will try to describe them, knowing in advance that mere words cannot do them justice – the toe strikes the perfect balance between pointy and rounded, the material is a black and white tweed with black patent leather accents, including 3” skinny heels and a Mary Jane strap just below the ankle bone. They are so me. I don’t want to make love to them per se, rather I want to take them to dinner and buy them a nice piece of jewelry to let them know how special they are.

In my desperate hunt for those beauties I found this AWESOME blog – kindred sole, clearly! – and these cutie patooties from Kenneth Cole’s Unlisted line (Unlisted is to Kenneth Cole as Old Navy is to Banana Republic, with the Reaction line being on par with the Gap - and incidentally the website I would those shoes on is the Gap, Inc.'s new shoe site.)

Now, these shoes are unrealistic on many levels. For starters, now that I live in SoCal I'm not sure I'm going to get a fall. I'm sure people wear fall clothes because they're morons - I've seen girls in Ugg boots and shearling coats in January even though it's still in the 60's - but I don't want to be like that. Second, where would I wear them? To the library at UCSD where everyone else is in flip flops, or maybe ballet flats if they're feeling spunky? Babysitting? It probably wouldn't go over to well if one of my charges impaled themself on my shoe. Finally, at $299 they are ever so slightly out of my price range. Although, compared to these $540 Dior Mary Janes they're a steal!

And I prefer the Weitzmans...

Fashion Fright

I don’t know how I’ve stayed silent on this issue for so long – I think I’ve blocked it out. The time has come, however, to address a serious issue – the monokini. I recall having one of these in my pre-teen years, but I was a) pre-teen, aka no body yet and b) the cut outs were much, much smaller – like tennis ball size.

I have a problem with bathing suits no matter what. Racing suits have always plagued me – they squish the beejesus out of my already little bosoms, accentuate the “fullness” of my stomach, hips and bum, and leave awful tan lines. My main problem areas are thutt (where the thighs meet the butt) and my love handles. My only hope for the thutt would be a granny skirt, but at that is really not an option. At 27 there is no excuse for a swimsuit tutu. I do have a shred of dignity left, and I am clinging to it for dear life.

So what are my options? Wetsuit? Slightly drastic, and I worry I’d be mistaken for a seal and hunted for my pelt. One pieces seem like the logical alternative because at least they cover my stomach and hips, but I have a short torso and one pieces can flatten out the little ones, which are some of my few assets. When my belly button is below a 2-knuckle depth on my index finger I use this as a green light for the bikini. Triangle tops make my mammaries look sad and saggy, so I generally opt for a wide-strap halter top and a medium rise bottom with full back coverage, emphasis on the full. Like this (although the model's mons pubis looks freakishly long - maybe it's the print). My clavicle is one of the few spots on my body not carrying a little extra weight, along with my ears and my gums, and I think this style accentuates it.

The monokini is the antithesis to my ideal bikini. This piece of clothing, if you want to call it that, falls squarely into the category of “Things Only Gweneth Paltrow/Sienna Miller/Giselle Bunchen Should Wear And Even Then I’m Still On The Fence,” along with cropped cigarette pants, high wasted pencil skirts, and shoes that tie up the leg. What fashion industry genius sat in a room and dreamed up this water weary monstrosity? There is nothing I fear greater than the image of me in one of these – already short torso made stumpier by the center strap AND side cutouts to allow my fat to spill out like the foam on an overflowing draft Guiness. Bleck. Dear god I want to give up carbs for 5-7 days just thinking about it. Pass the Alli.

A final, if somewhat tangential, note on swimwear. WTF with metal bits? Don’t get me wrong, I love shiny like a magpie, but am I the only one that thinks this isn’t the best accoutrement to put on an item meant to be worn in the sun? Wouldn’t this burn into your flesh?

Why does this remind me of a children's game timer?

My fear is that this skanktastic swimwear is going to end up on sale racks – and with good reason! – and be scooped up by the fashion un-savvy. I beg you all to spread the anti-monokini message.

Life's little luxuries

Three years ago when I wandered into BCBG, was seduced by the personal shopper and blew my whole tax rebate (before I knew it was coming - a little retrospective justification never hurt anyone) I noticed something - expensive clothes are made better. The dresses fit better, they hung better, they had little snap tabs on the to hold your bra straps in place. The luxury was in the details.

On my recent trip back east I flew first class (when you're in a long distance relationship you rack up a lit of frequent flyer miles). Now American Airlines is the Payless of the skies (although, in defense of Payless their style really has been improving) - they don't even have individual televisions in the seats! - but you just get treated better. Go right to the check-in desk? Sure! Separate line with no wait at security? Yee haw! Board first? Don't mind if I do, and might I add these warmed nuts are delicious. My luggage was even the first on the carousel! I thought it was a coincidence until it happened in both JFK and SAN.

As I took the boss's car for service this morning I was dazzled by all the buttons - the adjustments you can make on the driver's seat are seemingly endless. I particularly enjoyed the lumbar support. Now I can't say I have much to go by in the way of comparison, but the Audi dealership seemed like the Four Seasons of car dealerships - they even had a little gift shop and cafe! The best perk for me? Two words - loaner car. If only I had somewhere to go on a road trip! The garden center at Home Depot didn't really cut it.

Cutest Niece EVER

Steph has already acknowledged that later on they might have some regrets about encouraging Kayley to stick her tongue out for her 'baby's first trick.'

But right now it's wicked cute.

Eating my way through the North East

I like to do gastronomic traveling. The food on the plane was, shockingly, less than exciting, but NYC was worth the trip. Here are some of the highlights:

• burgers & beers at Fanelli's
• mac & cheese at Nolita House
• champagne at Palio
• pizza at Lombardi's
• all sorts of deliciousness at 'inoteca

Back in MA, it's been a return to basics with my dad's steak tips, Richardson's ice cream, and a meatball sub. Tomorrow night I'll be in the bleacher seats at Fenway Park, so a Fenway Frank and a few $9 Bud Lights might be in order. And then I'll head back to CA before my BMI exceeds legal state limits!

Is there a doctor in the house?

CONGRATULATIONS to Ms. Rebecca Kate Glauber, PhD (!!) who successfully defended her dissertation this afternoon. Dr. Glauber will be joining the faculty at the University of New Hampshire this fall, where she will educate inquisitive young minds about the intersection of race, marital status and gender inequality in the labor market and, hopefully, teach her colleagues a thing or to about how academic fashion is done in the new millennium. Yay Bec!

(Left to right: Jane, moi, Dr. Bec, Owen, Sarah)

Coastal Comparison

New York

HIGH: 76°
LOW: 68°
HUMIDITY: 80%
RAIN: 90%
Cloudy. Periods of rain, mostly in the morning. Downpours possible. Isolated flooding possible. Flood watch in effect.

Solana Beach

HIGH: 77°
LOW: 65°
HUMIDITY: 0%
RAIN: 10%
A few clouds this morning, but generally sunny for the afternoon. Same forecast for the next 10 days.

Now I remember why I moved.

Professional Student

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Grilling 101

Tip #1: When it says on the package to soak wooden skewers in water for at least 30 minutes prior to grilling, this is less of a suggestion and more of a safety must.

Tip #2: When using matches because the starter is out, don't turn the gas all the way up, close the lid, walk away for a minute, and then through a lit match on the grill - or, if you do, stand back a good 5 feet.

Tip #3: Singed arm hairs can be trimmed using men's beard clippers. Afterwards, apply a nicely scented moisturizer and patiently wait for regrowth.