WTF Friday

I have my sister to thank for this one. Today, she sent me this e-mail:

I narrowed it down but I just couldn't decide...did you want these:

or these for your birthday?

i got you the first pair- they had better ratings =)

First of all, they're both marked down (shocking). Way to be cheap for my 30th, Steph. :)



Secondly, what the fuck is with this season's spat-sandals? I just don't get it. What have your ankles ever done to you? I mean, unless you're Lindsay Lohan and trying to cover an electronic monitering bracelet or something. Even if you had really bad cankles, I feel like this would only draw attention to the area you're trying to hide.



So I told Steph if she got me those for my birthday, she was getting these with her cat on them for hers. (You'll have to scroll about 1/2 way down the page, past the flags, for the "our favorite pet pictures" section.) You're welcome for the endless gift ideas I've just provided.

Vegetables!

This year I signed up for a CSA share. CSA, community supported agriculture, is somewhat like having a subscription to a farmers' market - you buy a share of the harvest from a local farm. I had wanted to participate in one for a while, but was concerned about the amount of produce I'd be getting when I'm usually just cooking for li'l ol me. Fortunately that's what half-shares are for - I pick up veggies every other week for half the price.



This year I decided to go for it and found a great CSA near me called Garden of Eve. Besides the social aspects of the CSA (e.g. supporting small agriculture by consuming local, seasonal produce), I was also intrigued by the Iron Chef aspect. You cook with what you get, and you're introduced to new produce. For instance, in my first share, I had garlic scapes and bok choi. Bok choi I've eaten but never cooked myself. Garlic scapes I had never heard of and approached them with some trepidation (e.g. what the fuck are these?). Thank god for the internet.



I cooked with rhubarb for the first time and made whole wheat yogurt rhubarb muffins - yum! Two weeks ago I encountered sweet salad radishes for the first time and made a really nice, fresh summer salad with cucumber, lettuce and dill. This week's bounty also brought new surprises:


The weekly share included:

• 1 head of lettuce
• 1 pint of blueberries
• 10 peaches
• 1 pint of cherries
• 1 weird looking root vegetable*
• 1/2 a head of cabbage
• 1 bunch of beets
• 6 ears of corn
• 1 bunch of dill
• 1 bunch of basil
• 1 bunch of Swiss chard
• 1 bunch of kale
• 3 zucchini
• 6 cucumbers (I took 4 regular and 2 white - another newbie!)

* So back to this thing. As soon as I saw it at the pick-up site, I thought, "oh, going to have to google that when I get home." Of course when I got home I couldn't remember what it was called. I thought it began with a "K". My roommate Jenny came home and into the kitchen; I asked her if she's ever seen one of these before.

She hadn't. She thought it might be a turnip, so I googled "turnip family", but the way the green shoots came out from various points rather than one localized shoot on the top ruled that out. I tried searching broadly for root vegetables. Then I thought it might be related to cabbage because of its texture. Bingo! Ladies and gentleman, if you've never seen on before, this is your and my first kohlrabi.

My friend Jane is coming over for brunch today, and we're going to cook using my new veggies. I did this 2 weeks ago with my friend Brooke. It's a perfect way for me to enjoy my CSA share with friends and challenge myself to cook interesting things. Brooke and I enjoyed a menu of:

• blueberry mojitos (with fresh mint from my fire escape garden)
• scrabbled eggs with zucchini, scallions and fresh basil
• salad with cucumbers, dill, white radish and a balsamic mustard vinaigrette
• chicken apple sausage
• homemade honey wheat bread with fresh goat cheese Brooke picked up from the farmer's market on her way over and bacon marmalade we scored at a craft fair a few months back (it was supposed to be a gift, but I have no regrets over eating this)
• fresh cherries

It was both delicious and beautiful. (Unfortunately the pictures from this feast were lost when my phone was stolen Friday - a wise reminder for me to back up phone photos and blog in a more timely manner.)

Last night I was chatting with Jane on Facebook to ask if she had ever heard of or cooked with kohlrabi (Jane is a great cook and frequently more adventurous than me - her pulled pork is to die for). Her response, "como se what?" Exactly. She then got to searching and found this recipe for a Kohlrabi & Apple slaw. I happen to have all the ingredients in my kitchen so am going to make it this morning.

I'm off to grate kholrabi and think of something to do with those peaches. Pie may be in order. Bon appetit!

sew lovely

A few weeks ago I signed up for a sewing class with my friend Brooke from work. My grandmother taught me and my sister how to hand sew little projects when we were younger, and I vaguely remember constructing a pillow in Home Ec, but I wanted to be able to do more. Plus it feels like a good compliment to my recently obtained embroidery skills. I hope to add knitting and quilting to the mix eventually, but one thing at a time

It's beginner level, so we started with the anatomy of the sewing machine. Because I'm a super-nerd, I made a grid for my practice fabric with the seam length in the columns and the tension in rows:

Shopping for supplies has been slightly overwhelming. Last week I made my first trip to Mood (of Project Runway fame) - OMG. I thought I was going to have a seizure. I just wanted cotton. Plain cotton. But as one employee informed me, there is no such thing as plain cotton. I learned that the most basic cotton is broadcloth, and I needed cotton canvas for the outside of the tote (it's a slightly heavier weight fabric). After almost having an aneurysm, I finally settled on some cute, fun, bright prints:

I missed class a week ago when we started our practice bags, so I also got a plain black cotton canvas for the exterior of my practice tote, and this fun print for the lining:

LOVE this. Can't wait to think of other things I can make with it.

Last night in class we assembled all the pieces of our practice tote. Ta da!

Here's a peak inside at the interior pocket and lining:

Note bad, eh? There are lots of little mistakes, but that's what practice is for. Tonight I assembled my real (bigger) bag for homework.

Voila! Again, little mistakes, but it's getting easier. I'm going to make one more with the pink and brown fabric. I'll post the step-by-step process when I do in case anyone is inspired to make their own tote.

Next week is the last class. We're making a matching cosmetic bag with a zipper before we graduate! The next class in the series is Beginner Clothing Construction. I'm already signed up!

And if all this weren't enough, we found out on Tuesday night that Moni, the woman who runs the sewing classes, used to work on What Not To Wear with Stacey and Clinton. I squealed like a 14-year-old with a Justin Bieber sighting. I'm hoping that if I hang around her long enough I might bump into Ms. London. A girl can dream....

WTF Wednesday

I missed Friday, the picture was taken on Saturday, but the spirit of WTF is definitely there.



I saw this beauty in the W4th station Saturday AM. Sadly, even the 5 mega pixel camera on the Droid was not enough to capture the true what-the-fuck-ness of this ensemble.

The outfit itself is standard and fairly inoffensive, if still trashy. But again we are seeing these hideous boot-sandals with the zipper up the back. Ladies, let's start with a blanket rule of No Sandals with Zippers up the Back of your Calf. Are the exceptions? Most likely, yes, but let's implement the rule, live by it, and deal with the exceptions as they arise.

The reflection off the nylon draw-string backpack is really documentation of the angel that swooped in and prevented you from seeing what's going on above the shoulders, because this lady has a full blown mullet. Even with all of these disastrous fashion choices she still may have slipped below my radar had she not been rocking out - full on dancing, singing, moving to the groove. It was something special, and let me tell you, you've got to get up early in the morning to stand out among the crazies of NYC.

Have a good day everyone. Dress safely.

WTF Fridays

My sister and I love to talk about fashion and, more specifically, crimes against fashion. I see things on a daily basis that I cannot put into words - they are just too weird, crazy, ugly, tasteless, etc. So this inspired the idea for WTFF - What The Fuck Fridays.



Here's our debut, from the check out line at Whole Foods:

And she was a cute girl with a lovely silky purple dress, but what the fuck are those on her feet?

It's like there was a tragic accident involving boxing boots and gladiator sandals at the nuclear power plant.

Gay Pride 2010

To all the gays, lesbians, queers, bi's, trannies, fags, dykes, twinks, bears, boi's, femmes and freaks:

Thank you for living out loud and having the courage to be who you are.

May our children grow up in a world with less hate and more love, with less ignorance and more tolerance, with less violence and more joy.

And may all of us have the right to be proud of who we are each and every day.

Love,

this Fag Hag.

An herb grows in Brooklyn

Transplanted mint is thriving

Repotted basil and cilantro are a little weak, but trying

And dill seeds are sprouting up

I'm an ass

I had completely written off S, previously of e-mail fame, after not hearing from him for over a week. I considered contacting him, but decided I wasn't interested enough to make the effort for someone not that into me.

So I was surprised to get an e-mail from him today, after not hearing from him for over 2 weeks. He apologized for falling off the grid. He's been in Costa Rica caring for his sick grandmother.

I'm an ass. Maybe this is why people don't date me.

dating updates

Well the post-first-date-e-mail was the highlight of that dating escapade. We had fun e-mail banter all week and made plans for a second date of drinks at a wine bar the following Monday. Here's the problem with 7PM drinks - no dinner. So this guy either needs to buy me dinner or I need to start packing a granola bar. We both agreed we were more nervous on the 2nd date - there are more expectations. And nervous equals drinking too fast, so I had had about 3 glasses of wine by 9. It was lots of fun, and I was excited for our next date.

I had bought tickets to Ricky Gervais on Wednesday, so we planned a third date at the beginning of the evening. And it was nice; it was fine. And I haven't heard from him since.

Here's the problem with dating - I'm pretty sure it activates the same part of the brain as psychosis. I had like a 24hr crazy - like a 24hr flu, except that I consumed calories rather than expunged them. I don't even think it was about him - in fact I'm 99% sure it wasn't. It's just that the possibility of a boy liking me transforms me into an insecure, hysterical 17-year-old. When the crazy passes and I calm down, I can step back and think about whether or not I'm actually attracted to the guy or just reacting to whether or not I think they're attracted to me.

Moving on. I had made tentative date plans with D on Sunday night but didn't hear back from him. You may remember Spanky from a few weeks back - well he resurfaced with a text Saturday night saying "we should plan something for the weekend." Um, not sure what you're definition of "weekend" is, but it's 10:30 Saturday, so in my book that ship has sailed.

All hope is not lost. Over the weekend I made plans to go bowling on with A. On Monday we set a time for Tuesday, and I said that I just needed to set several reminders to bring or wear socks. Yesterday I woke up to an e-mail: "Amy, did you remember to bring or wear socks?" Very sweet.

Yesterday was a gross, rainy, windy, miserable day, and The Gutter is in a very industrial part of Brooklyn, so as my umbrella flipped inside out and my hair stuck to my lip gloss I was wondering if I was really going to a bowling alley or was going to end up dead in a gutter between two warehouses.

Not gonna lie, initially a little disappointed. We got our shoes and paid (separately) and walked over to the lanes (with no alcohol!). My inner monologue went something like this: "I'm in Williamsburg, on a Tuesday, wearing plaid, bowling, with an online date, and I'm sober. How the f*ck did I end up here?"

Despite my deep-seated cynicism, however, I had fun. He bought a pitcher of beer in between strings, so that helped. The date ended with a friendly peck on the cheek and a "maybe we'll do this again sometime?"

Will someone please buy me dinner?!?!

Awww

So maybe I should stop being such a cynical bitch. I went on the date Monday night and [gasp!] had fun.

And apparently so did he, because yesterday I got this e-mail:

here are the reasons why i think you should go out with me again (funny how closely the below list is a rundown of your dream date as per your online profile)
1. I am wildly racist, an elitist classist, and a misogynist
2. When I touched you I caused "searing pain"
3. I didn't call you out for being self-deprecating when I complimented you
4. I am "really really ridiculously good looking"
5. When you're out with me I respect your need for privacy by making you spend a lot of time by yourself because I have the bladder of a pregnant woman
6. I don't know how to "be cool" and despite having watched swingers many times, I'm writing you the next day.
7. I brought a book to the bar, even though i don't know how to read, to show how cultured i am and you clearly like me cause you didn't mention that Iwas holding it upside-down
8. I'm willing to go down to south brooklyn to make you avoid having to take six trains (including the mysterious H train)

and

9. I had a really good time with you last night.

slainte,
S

ugh

My date for tonight just texted to confirm time and location, and wrote this:

I'll be the guy with the overzealous haircut, wearing jeans and a grey tshirt possibly a black jacket (depending on the temperature) reading Trumane Capote at the bar.

I'm preemptively annoyed.

Ugh. I hate when guys are reading something self-consciously "intellectual". Don't get me wrong, I like 'em literate, but this doesn't bode well. When I went on my very first internet date, Guy #1 was carrying a worn paperback edition of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It should have been a red flag, but I was a dating novice and didn't know the signs.

I texted back that I was intrigued by a haircut described as "overzealous," described what I was wearing, and asked if he's really reading Capote or if it's just an intellectual prop.

He hasn't responded.

When a problem comes along, you must stitch it

Stitch it good! That's my new approach to everything. Since being introduced to embroidery, I've become slightly obsessed. I've bought lots of different patterns and 3 of Jenny Hart's books. I'm constantly on the look out for new textiles to embroider. So far I've been sticking to kitchen linens - tea towels, napkins, etc. I recently completed this set with Om Sweet Om patterns for a friend.

And am looking forward to surprising someone with a long overdue birthday gift of summery cocktail napkins.

I went a little Lilly Pulitzer with the color palette - it makes me think of sipping a spiked lemonade on the Cape.

But I feared I was becoming a one trick pony and decided to branch out into clothing. I bought tee shirt stabilizer a few weeks bag, and Friday I picked up a plain top at Old Navy.

Beer + Tacos* + Criminal Minds + Embroidery (alone on the couch on a Friday night) = Sad -or- Awesome? I'll let you decide.

I started with a plain, teal blue tee, and I added some minor embellishments. The bird cage is on the back of the shirt in the middle at the top. The birds are on the bottom left.

Stitching on the tee shirt was harder than I had anticipated. It was cheap cotton - I think the shirt cost like $4 - so a better cotton might have been easier to work with, but I wanted to practice on cheap stuff. I wasn't thrilled, and think for now I'll stick with kitchen towels.

But I had one project left for the weekend. I'm back in occupational therapy for my right hand/wrist/arm/shoulder. I started having a lot of pain again. I now sleep with a splint that immobilizes my arm from just below my shoulder to my fingers. It kinda sucks, but I see lots of people when I'm at therapy who've had breaks and surgeries and wear all sorts of contraptions, so as far as that goes, I feel fortunate to just have the night time splint. For the day time, however, I have a sweet, sweet elbow pad. Yup, that's right, an elbow pad. Like it's 1996, and I'm roller blading. It's purpose is twofold: 1) it reminds me to be careful of my elbow, and 2) it provides a little extra protection for the nerve. When the therapist first gave it to me I mumbled, "Oh this is going to do wonders for my dating life." She looked at me with all seriousness and said,"Please, please, do not wear this on a date." I said if I could have two I'd stick them in my shirt and prop the girls up.

Anywhoodle, I decided to jazz up my elbow pad a little.

I'm still debating what to write across the heart. I was thinking "your mom" would be funny but am open to suggestions. I've got plans for a whole line called "Bad Ass Orthopedics" that will offer a full range of bedazzled knee braces and skull and cross bone wheel chair pads. I could open boutiques in rehab clinics and assisted living centers across the country!

*Yes, I took a picture of my tacos. I thought they looked pretty.

Easy there, spanky

I've been going back and forth with another guy online from the same website as Spot the tattooed Dragon. This one seemed more promising, but now I'm not so sure. We got on the top

See if you can spot the red flag.

Me: ooh, mini golf. I once got a hole in one on a split level hole. I usually enjoy this first 4 or 5 holes and then throw a temper tantrum around hole 7 or 8. should we get drinks and play mini golf? I promise not to throw a temper tantrum.

Him: seriously what fun is it if you don't throw a temper tantrum? can't get spanked if you don't misbehave....i kid. i'm free possibly tomorrow evening or friday and maybe even sunday if saturday hasn't beaten me up too hard.

Did you catch it? Because when I told a friend at lunch today, her response was, "How do you feel about spanking?" I stopped chewing on my chicken curry wrap and looked up at her. "I think you're missing the point."

And then there's this. We were trying to figure out a time for drinks, and I asked if he was free last night. He said he could be up for a drink at like 10PM. Really? For real? Okay, 10PM is not an appropriate time for a first date, especially on a Sunday night. 10PM is naked o' clock, not date o'clock. If that's what you want, there are plenty of other websites for that.

Not a red flag. Orange? Maybe.

Special Delivery

After a wonderful but exhausting weekend I came back to a apartment in need of some cleaning, a room in need of some tidying, and a life in need of some organizing - same stuff, different day.
Except for a flat white cardboard envelope that came in the mail.


Inside was this special surprise from Beth.

I am beyond excited to frame it and display it prominently in the kitchen.

I want Russians in my kitchen!

Dolls, that is. How stinkin' cute are these?!?!

These Russian dolls are actually Matrushka measuring cups. Consider them officially on my birthday list.

Good to know it's not just me!

First, a sympathetic e-mail from a friend (who has put in a lot more time in the NYC dating scene than me) after I told her about my last date:

Of course, I've had my own fair share of wretched dates....like the tall, handsome teacher who said that he wanted to "impregnate a lady sometime soon."....or the terribly Jew-y bloke who I went out with recently who was so boring and weird and up his own arse about himself and insisted on kissing me goodnight as though we had a great time (to which I said, "that's enough, good bye")....or the impossibly short and slightly effeminate guy who seemed very concerned with doing things that had "left wing street cred" (whatever that means)....oh the places we'll go with New York weirdos. Why and how are there so many of them? And why do they seem to be the only ones with whom I'm going on dates?!

And now scientific proof that dating in NYC sucks.

Somehow, I don't feel consoled.

new ways to hate dating

Howaboutwe.com is a new dating site that's recently launched in NYC. I like the idea behind it. Rather than setting parameters - I'm looking for a guy between 28-38, educated, doesn't smoke, etc. - daters propose dates. For example, my date is, "How about we...get drinks and play board games." It's a different way to match people based on similar interests - great in theory, but time will tell how well it plays out in practice.



I got my first match last week. He had clicked he was "intrigued" by my date, and I had clicked the same on his, which was, "How about we...ride the Cyclone at Coney Island and get hot dogs at Nathans." I've actually never been to Coney Island, and how bad can a date be if it involves hot dogs?! So we e-mailed back and forth a bit. Turns out it wasn't his date idea, a coworker suggested it, and he's never been to Coney Island either. Also, we had the same first concert (one of the questions in one's profile) - New Kids on the Block. We set a date for Wednesday.



I got into work on Tuesday morning and was telling friends about my date when I opened the website and saw I had a new e-mail from him.

PS - I realize my picture may not make it that easy to identify me. I haven't found a picture of myself head on that I like. I'll be the thin guy with glasses. I have a dragon named Spot on my right arm and a sun on my left. I may also be wearing a gray fedora, but I can't guarantee that. This is my first online date, I don't know how specific I need to be.

I threw my pen when I got to the fedora. "Fucking hipsters!"

"The fedora could be cool," my office mate encouraged. "Text me the second he goes to the bathroom."

"Okay, if he's too hipster for me, I'll pass him on to you." She's on this website, too, and she likes tattoos.



Hind sight is always 20/20. In his picture he's leaning forward playing his guitar, so I couldn't see his face, but I figured as long as he wasn't a cyclops I was fine. That night at drinks with another friend I told him about the e-mail exchange, and he winced - he has more online dating experience than me.



"Red flag, LeClair."

"I'm sure he's fine!"

"Or he's a cyclops."



Wednesday arrives, and my voice is still terrible, as it has been for the last week. I see someone recommending ginger scallion tea to a friend on Facebook and decide to give it a try. I found a recipe online and happened to have all the ingredients on hand, so I made a giant vat of it and tried to suck down as much as possible. As the day rolls on, I realize I may or may not have a voice for this date, but I am going to smell like miso soup. Awesome.



A little before 6 Dragon Boy called and let me know he was going to be a little late - the F train had stopped running to Brooklyn because of an electrical problem, and he was having a hard time finding a cab. He sounded nice on the phone, I appreciated that he called instead of texted, and I felt that he was coming from Manhattan. I waited for him at the bar.

Cyclops.

That was my first thought. In other words, if I had seen his face online we wouldn't be having this date. My second thought was, "urgh...I have to sit through 2 drinks with this guy." He wasn't that bad. He was just pale and dorky and looked like he spent a lot of time indoors playing Dungeons and Dragons. But he was perfectly nice, and we talked and played Connect 4. I won all but 3 times over 90 minutes - I wonder if he was as bored as I was. I had to get going at 8, so I shook his hand and wished him luck getting back to Manhattan.

Howaboutwe...pretend this date never happened and both get on with our lives.

Next!

hey baby, what's your sign?

I love checking out the fun stuff over at uncommongoods, and recently spotted these adorable kiddish zodiac charm necklaces. I've never been that into astrology, but who wouldn't be a proud Leo if it means sporting this cute little lion.

And we're just over 3 months from my bday. Just sayin'.

Notes from my morning

• I've had a head cold since for about 2 weeks whose symptoms have ranged from aches and chills to compulsive sneezing. It's progressed to a "productive couch." What this means is in the morning I'm a gross ball of phlegm, and I spend the rest of the day channelling my deceased grandmother coughing into a tissue and then squirrelling it away up my sleeve (or in my purse, pocket, etc.).
• If one is on a cleanse that involves a laxative, even if it's a natural, non-stimulant laxative, under no circumstances should one leave the house in the morning without pooping first. This is doubly important if you're going to engage in any type of cardiovascular activity, such as jogging.
• After harassing strangers in a coffee shop about how their baby looks like an Easter egg (note: not culturally sensitive in an area with a large Jewish population), I turned to my friend and quietly said, "I want one!" Then, not so quietly, added, "Let's steal it!" I need to work on my verbal filter and adjust the volume of what comes out of my mouth accordingly.

Just thought you'd like an update. Carry on.

splish splash

It seems the torrential rains have finally abated, but I still want rain boots. For starters, I feel like the surest way for the rain to really stop is for me to invest in a new pair. Secondly, I'm on my 3rd pair since moving to New York, so I feel somewhat justified in buying a more expensive pair - I'd rather spend more on one nice pair than $30-40 on several meh pairs.

Still, I cannot justify $125 on wellies. But if I could, how stinking adorable are these:

These Michael Kors boots are fun, too, with a little bit of edge. These Sperry Top-Siders have a fun wedge and are slightly less expensive, but I've had Sperrys in the past and wasn't enthralled with the quality. Besides, how fun would it be to puddle jump in those bright pink hotties?