Today is April 5th, correct?

So why is it snowing?!? I'm supposed to be in flip-flops, not ear muffs! I'll just add this to my arsenal of "things to look forward to living the SoCal life."

Never mind the weather, there are more important things to discuss. Paula Abdul, for example. As promised, I watched the results show, and I've giving up hoping Sanjaya will be kicked off. I think RKG might be onto something with her theory that Howard Stern's morning promos for votefortheworst.com is a key factor. Also, Janiac made a fair point that if Haley just keeps wearing less fabric on bottom than on top she's going to stick around (but she's got to stop feigning annoyance when Simon comments on her legs). LaKisha is my pick, although I don't understand why she was dressed like a bank teller last night. Melissa Doolittle is clearly the most talented, but she came into the game with a stylist and a vocal coach. I just don't feel like America's taking part in the discovery of some hidden gem. It'd be like putting a 5th grade teacher on Are you smarter than a fifth grader? Plus Melissa's head is a little too much like Guy Smiley's for my liking. And where's her neck? She looks like my Barbies whose heads I accidentally ripped off trying to brush their hair and then tried to smoosh back on.

But back to Paula. I saw the clips from Tuesday night's show. I saw the scarf, but what can I say? Really, Scott, what do you want me to say about her neckerchief? Do you want me to say that she looks like she's a guest judge on Grease: You're the One that I Want and she's getting just a little too into it? Do you want me to suggest that maybe she's spending a big chunk of her Idol paycheck on outpatient therapy and so has been waitressing at a 50s style drive up, girls on roller skates, sock hop diner to pick up some extra cash? It was terrible, it really was, and I bet Simon had to work very hard to restrain himself from grabbing either end of the scarf and pulling until Paula's head popped off. And Steph, I'm not so sure the extension is Jessica Simpson 4 Target, I think it may have just come from one of those mall kiosks where you can buy faux-hair in a myriad of forms - clips, scrunchies, banana combs. Perhaps she picked it up on her way to her interview for the waitressing gig to go with her poodle skirt. What I would really like to say, however, is that I'm proud. I'm just so proud of Paula, proud because for the second week in a row I think she really is sober, and that's something we should all be proud of her for. Maybe the scarf is there to hide a patch that's releasing a slow, regulated dose of oxycontin into her stream so she doesn't go into the DTs on live, national television. Hey, whatever works.

The thermometer might be returning to freezing, but this cold bitchy heart of mine is melting, just a little, for Pabdul. Besides, my favorite fashion critics already gave her a much better fugging than I could ever hope to.