End of life care

Last summer we moved my grandfather out to CA to live with my Aunt Mary. He's generally in good physical health, but he has Alzheimer's and requires 24 hr care. Needless to say, he keeps Mary business. Every now and then, however, when she has a free minute, she'll send us an update.

The other day she told us about their trip out to dinner. Normally they eat at home, but Grampy was insisting on eating out. It was such a sweet and humorous e-mail, so I sent Mary a quick note back telling her I loved her and that I would take good care of her when she's old and senile.

This was her response:

I love you too.......and just to make it easier, I've started making notes for you:


Food likes and dislikes, I'm a very plain eater and don't mind having the same thing several times a week, but Do Not try to sneak vegetables in my food - I'll know if you do and will spit it out.


Always, always have chocolate on hand, preferably dark.


My feet get cold easily and I like to wear socks.


Please respect all the things I've acquired, although I probably won't give a hoot, don't throw anything that you don't want into a dumpster - someone, somewhere will want it or could use it.


I will want a pet (cat or small lap dog)


I will want a daily drink (you can decide the appropriate time depending on my mood). And if I'm being a real pain or totally stressing you out, feel free to give me more until I settle down.


If I'm still smoking and I probably will be, please don't decide that it's time for me to quit and take away my cigarettes -- I promise not to burn down the house.


I love to watch True Crime reporting on TV and this will keep me occupied for hours. None of that CSI fictional stuff, I'll know if I'm being duped.


As I think of them, I'll add to list.............

Can you tell we're related?

work hard, play hard - and organized

I got this e-mail today:

New Yorkers—

One of the many wonderful things about this metropolis is the abundance of bars in every neighborhood. This is an alcoholic’s paradise (or nightmare, I suppose).

But like many things, Ruthie and I have come to the point of view (or at least I have – R dwells in complexity a bit more than me…) that the overwhelming array of acceptable choices of watering holes can be stress-inducing. As such, we want to figure out a go-to bar in every neighborhood for a variety of occasions (1-on-1 conversations, dates, group conversations, parties, game watches).

These don’t need to be the perfect answer – reasonable people of good will can disagree on these vital matters. But we are sick and tired of having to come up with answers to questions like “I am meeting someone for a drink in Union Square – where should we go?”. We need a go-to answer off the shelf.

But, alas, we are not sufficiently knowledged to come up with a good list on our own – this is where you come in.

Attached is a skeleton spreadsheet of neighborhoods and bar categories – please send us your suggestions/recommendations. And, yes, the same bar can fill multiple boxes. (But it’s hard to imagine one bar checking the box in multiple neighborhoods unless it’s a very large bar.) Write-in candidates for additional neighborhoods or categories are more than welcome, of course.

Once we have a workable answer for most of the categories we will recirculate a consolidated version of the spreadsheet and a shared Google map. Whether you then use it to line your birdcage or totally reorient your social life is up to you. But at least you know where me and Ruthie will be.

Cheers.

T and R

This is why I'm friends with these people.

must. have.

I was checking out Tim Out New York's Holiday Gift Guide, jewelry at every price, when this caught my eye (and my breath):

It's part of "The City that Never Sleeps" collection on sale at the New York Historical Society store. It's stunning, just like this city.

Things to be thankful for

Since I got through the hardest part and told my parents, it seemed like a good time to share it here as well.

Hi Mom and Dad,

I’m sorry for dropping big news on you last night with so little time before the holiday. I wasn’t as articulate as I would like to have been, but I really didn’t know how to tell you. I’d like to explain a little more.

M and I have been dating for a few months. I had considered asking her to Thanksgiving before but had decided I wasn’t ready to introduce someone to my family yet. Her plans fell through at the last minute, however, and I really didn’t want her to spend Thanksgiving alone (she’s from CA and that’s where all her family is), hence the last minute addition and announcement – I apologize for not giving you more time to process.

In terms of me dating a woman, the fact that she’s a woman isn’t really a big deal to me. It’s a big deal to me to be dating someone for several months (last time I was this far into a relationship I was 22). Dating a woman is something new to me, too, and there have been some adjustments, but I’m glad that I was open to the possibility of dating a woman, because M is a wonderful, kind, caring, funny, smart person, and I’m lucky to have her in my life.

I don’t consider myself a lesbian or gay, although if I did I hope that you would be okay with that, too. I hesitated to bring home someone I had only been dating a few months, but she is very important to me and a big part of my life right now. I don’t know that M is “the one.” I may not ever find “the one,” however, and so I hope that you can support me no matter whom I date. I want to and hope to get married and have kids, but that’s not something I can totally control. The most important thing to me in dating someone is not whether they are a man or a woman, but finding a person that shares the same values as me, respects me, and makes me want to be the best person I can be. M is all of those things.

I know this is going to be an adjustment for you both and want you to feel free to ask me questions. I also want to say that while I was nervous telling you, I also knew that no matter what you’d love me. I had no fear of anger or hatred, and considering the world we live in and the types of things I see every day, I am exceedingly thankful for that. I do not take for granted how lucky I am to have two loving parents (and a loving family and loving friends) who support me in every aspect of my life. I am able to be the person I am – in my personal and professional life – because of that love and support.

I love you both very much,
A

To keep the "feel good" vibe, take a moment to rock out to this:

The Adventures of Auntie Amy

Day 1.

04.00 hrs. Awake to Z coughing like the Marlboro Man. Wonder how much I have to worry about his actual oxygen intake. Consider getting up and asking internet if 18 mo. is outside the range for SIDS. Go back to sleep.

07.00 waken by Z screaming. Look at clock, realize it's 7:00 AM, fly out of bed with the speed of Tigger on meth. Enter nursery to find K sitting in chair and "reading" to Z "so he won't be sad."

07.01 Heart melts.

07.02 Reach in crib to get baby. Recoil in horror at sight of neurofibromatosis legion underneath his nose. Realize it's just boogers. Throw up a little bit in my mouth.

07.03 Get warm face cloth to wipe Z's face. Neighbors call DYFS to report water boarding of children.

07.15 Heard tots into car. Ask K where the button is mommy presses to open the garage door.

07.25 Drop kids at daycare. Z looks like Grumpy out of the 7 dwarfs, toddles over to daycare worker, sticks up arms with the look of "someone fucking pick me up."

07.30 - 17.00 Play suburban housewife. Stock up on paper goods at suburban Target, a.k.a. "happy place."

17.05 - 17.40 Pick up munchkins. Get their bags and them out of daycare, into car, home, car into garage and kids upstairs for dinner without physically or (severely) emotionally scaring anyone involved.

18.30-19.15 Diaper changes. Feety pjs. Robot books. Twinkle twinkle little star. Note to self: Brush up on later verses of "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

22.00 Collapse into lifeless pile of sweatpants. Attempt to cry self to sleep but cannot excrete tears. Remind self to hydrate tomorrow.

contributing to Brotherly Grub

A month or so ago, my CSA made an appearance on another blog, Brotherly Grub. Brian, little grubby brother, and I joined forces to make a delicious, seasonal meal. As an added bonus, I got to use this amazing cookbook for the first time:






Lisa gave it to me as part of my birthday gift, and it is a beautiful book with vignettes about America's farmers and their favorite recipes. We made the squash and sweet potato puree. Delicious.

Transitions in the Kitchen

[I can't believe it's been over 2 months since I blogged - ugh. So much to say, so little time. Most of it goes into ranting e-mails to my sister - maybe I'll just start posting those here. Anywhoodle, here's some of what I've been up to.]

The farm shares keep coming in every other week, and a clear sign that fall has arrived is the contents of my CSA. Tomatoes are getting fewer and fewer and apples are staging a coup of the fruit portion. Here's what I got a few weeks ago:

• 1 head of lettuce
• 1 bag of mesclun (I keep saying "mescaline" accidentally, but my vegetables do not come from that type of tripped out hippie farm)
• 1 bunch of arugula
• 1 bunch of braising greens
• 1 bunch of beets
• 1 bunch of turnips
• 1 handful of green beans
• 1 sprig of soy bean pods (aka edamame, they're in the bowl on the right but come on a woody stem)
• 1 bulb of garlic
• 5 big tomatoes
• 1/2 pint cherry tomatoes
• 5 apples
• 5 pears
• 10 plums
• 1 bunch of sage

When I get fruit, I immediately think "how can I turn this into a baked good?" Heaven forbid I just eat the fruit. I had never baked with plums before, so I found a recipe for a plum clafouti (try saying that 10 times fast!).

You butter and sugar a pie plate and then place the halved plums cut side down, top them with an eggy mixtures, and an hour later you get this:

It was very yummy and would probably work well is other tart fruits like cherries.

I also made a glazed pear coffee cake which I brought into the office. Fall is definitely my favorite baking season (mamma needs some pumpkin bread!) so I have to take precautionary measures to not end up looking like a grisly ready for hibernation.

things that make you.....

[a guest blog post from my sister, the office anthropologist]

... seem like a douche

1. wearing your sunglasses in the office all day on your head Unless you require prescription eyewear and you broke your regular galsses, there's no need for sunglasses to be worn on your head all day.

2. using the word "bro"excessively. I'm not exactly sure what an acceptable amount of "bro" usage is but "hey bro", "yo bro" and "bro, let's do this".... within a 10 min span is excessive.

more to follow when I aquire additional examples from my surroundings.....

guest blogging

Things have been slow over here, but a post I wrote for my sewing class is up over at SewMoni Love.



Here's the matching pillow case to go with the apron.

Hot. Trannie. Mess.

A few weeks ago I went to Splash with my coworker who spends his weekends as Devyln Disguise, the lovely lady in leopard. Last night, this photo surfaced on Facebook.

We're having a caption contest in the office. So far the winner is, "She's not a lady."

WTF Friday

I have my sister to thank for this one. Today, she sent me this e-mail:

I narrowed it down but I just couldn't decide...did you want these:

or these for your birthday?

i got you the first pair- they had better ratings =)

First of all, they're both marked down (shocking). Way to be cheap for my 30th, Steph. :)



Secondly, what the fuck is with this season's spat-sandals? I just don't get it. What have your ankles ever done to you? I mean, unless you're Lindsay Lohan and trying to cover an electronic monitering bracelet or something. Even if you had really bad cankles, I feel like this would only draw attention to the area you're trying to hide.



So I told Steph if she got me those for my birthday, she was getting these with her cat on them for hers. (You'll have to scroll about 1/2 way down the page, past the flags, for the "our favorite pet pictures" section.) You're welcome for the endless gift ideas I've just provided.

Vegetables!

This year I signed up for a CSA share. CSA, community supported agriculture, is somewhat like having a subscription to a farmers' market - you buy a share of the harvest from a local farm. I had wanted to participate in one for a while, but was concerned about the amount of produce I'd be getting when I'm usually just cooking for li'l ol me. Fortunately that's what half-shares are for - I pick up veggies every other week for half the price.



This year I decided to go for it and found a great CSA near me called Garden of Eve. Besides the social aspects of the CSA (e.g. supporting small agriculture by consuming local, seasonal produce), I was also intrigued by the Iron Chef aspect. You cook with what you get, and you're introduced to new produce. For instance, in my first share, I had garlic scapes and bok choi. Bok choi I've eaten but never cooked myself. Garlic scapes I had never heard of and approached them with some trepidation (e.g. what the fuck are these?). Thank god for the internet.



I cooked with rhubarb for the first time and made whole wheat yogurt rhubarb muffins - yum! Two weeks ago I encountered sweet salad radishes for the first time and made a really nice, fresh summer salad with cucumber, lettuce and dill. This week's bounty also brought new surprises:


The weekly share included:

• 1 head of lettuce
• 1 pint of blueberries
• 10 peaches
• 1 pint of cherries
• 1 weird looking root vegetable*
• 1/2 a head of cabbage
• 1 bunch of beets
• 6 ears of corn
• 1 bunch of dill
• 1 bunch of basil
• 1 bunch of Swiss chard
• 1 bunch of kale
• 3 zucchini
• 6 cucumbers (I took 4 regular and 2 white - another newbie!)

* So back to this thing. As soon as I saw it at the pick-up site, I thought, "oh, going to have to google that when I get home." Of course when I got home I couldn't remember what it was called. I thought it began with a "K". My roommate Jenny came home and into the kitchen; I asked her if she's ever seen one of these before.

She hadn't. She thought it might be a turnip, so I googled "turnip family", but the way the green shoots came out from various points rather than one localized shoot on the top ruled that out. I tried searching broadly for root vegetables. Then I thought it might be related to cabbage because of its texture. Bingo! Ladies and gentleman, if you've never seen on before, this is your and my first kohlrabi.

My friend Jane is coming over for brunch today, and we're going to cook using my new veggies. I did this 2 weeks ago with my friend Brooke. It's a perfect way for me to enjoy my CSA share with friends and challenge myself to cook interesting things. Brooke and I enjoyed a menu of:

• blueberry mojitos (with fresh mint from my fire escape garden)
• scrabbled eggs with zucchini, scallions and fresh basil
• salad with cucumbers, dill, white radish and a balsamic mustard vinaigrette
• chicken apple sausage
• homemade honey wheat bread with fresh goat cheese Brooke picked up from the farmer's market on her way over and bacon marmalade we scored at a craft fair a few months back (it was supposed to be a gift, but I have no regrets over eating this)
• fresh cherries

It was both delicious and beautiful. (Unfortunately the pictures from this feast were lost when my phone was stolen Friday - a wise reminder for me to back up phone photos and blog in a more timely manner.)

Last night I was chatting with Jane on Facebook to ask if she had ever heard of or cooked with kohlrabi (Jane is a great cook and frequently more adventurous than me - her pulled pork is to die for). Her response, "como se what?" Exactly. She then got to searching and found this recipe for a Kohlrabi & Apple slaw. I happen to have all the ingredients in my kitchen so am going to make it this morning.

I'm off to grate kholrabi and think of something to do with those peaches. Pie may be in order. Bon appetit!

sew lovely

A few weeks ago I signed up for a sewing class with my friend Brooke from work. My grandmother taught me and my sister how to hand sew little projects when we were younger, and I vaguely remember constructing a pillow in Home Ec, but I wanted to be able to do more. Plus it feels like a good compliment to my recently obtained embroidery skills. I hope to add knitting and quilting to the mix eventually, but one thing at a time

It's beginner level, so we started with the anatomy of the sewing machine. Because I'm a super-nerd, I made a grid for my practice fabric with the seam length in the columns and the tension in rows:

Shopping for supplies has been slightly overwhelming. Last week I made my first trip to Mood (of Project Runway fame) - OMG. I thought I was going to have a seizure. I just wanted cotton. Plain cotton. But as one employee informed me, there is no such thing as plain cotton. I learned that the most basic cotton is broadcloth, and I needed cotton canvas for the outside of the tote (it's a slightly heavier weight fabric). After almost having an aneurysm, I finally settled on some cute, fun, bright prints:

I missed class a week ago when we started our practice bags, so I also got a plain black cotton canvas for the exterior of my practice tote, and this fun print for the lining:

LOVE this. Can't wait to think of other things I can make with it.

Last night in class we assembled all the pieces of our practice tote. Ta da!

Here's a peak inside at the interior pocket and lining:

Note bad, eh? There are lots of little mistakes, but that's what practice is for. Tonight I assembled my real (bigger) bag for homework.

Voila! Again, little mistakes, but it's getting easier. I'm going to make one more with the pink and brown fabric. I'll post the step-by-step process when I do in case anyone is inspired to make their own tote.

Next week is the last class. We're making a matching cosmetic bag with a zipper before we graduate! The next class in the series is Beginner Clothing Construction. I'm already signed up!

And if all this weren't enough, we found out on Tuesday night that Moni, the woman who runs the sewing classes, used to work on What Not To Wear with Stacey and Clinton. I squealed like a 14-year-old with a Justin Bieber sighting. I'm hoping that if I hang around her long enough I might bump into Ms. London. A girl can dream....

WTF Wednesday

I missed Friday, the picture was taken on Saturday, but the spirit of WTF is definitely there.



I saw this beauty in the W4th station Saturday AM. Sadly, even the 5 mega pixel camera on the Droid was not enough to capture the true what-the-fuck-ness of this ensemble.

The outfit itself is standard and fairly inoffensive, if still trashy. But again we are seeing these hideous boot-sandals with the zipper up the back. Ladies, let's start with a blanket rule of No Sandals with Zippers up the Back of your Calf. Are the exceptions? Most likely, yes, but let's implement the rule, live by it, and deal with the exceptions as they arise.

The reflection off the nylon draw-string backpack is really documentation of the angel that swooped in and prevented you from seeing what's going on above the shoulders, because this lady has a full blown mullet. Even with all of these disastrous fashion choices she still may have slipped below my radar had she not been rocking out - full on dancing, singing, moving to the groove. It was something special, and let me tell you, you've got to get up early in the morning to stand out among the crazies of NYC.

Have a good day everyone. Dress safely.

WTF Fridays

My sister and I love to talk about fashion and, more specifically, crimes against fashion. I see things on a daily basis that I cannot put into words - they are just too weird, crazy, ugly, tasteless, etc. So this inspired the idea for WTFF - What The Fuck Fridays.



Here's our debut, from the check out line at Whole Foods:

And she was a cute girl with a lovely silky purple dress, but what the fuck are those on her feet?

It's like there was a tragic accident involving boxing boots and gladiator sandals at the nuclear power plant.

Gay Pride 2010

To all the gays, lesbians, queers, bi's, trannies, fags, dykes, twinks, bears, boi's, femmes and freaks:

Thank you for living out loud and having the courage to be who you are.

May our children grow up in a world with less hate and more love, with less ignorance and more tolerance, with less violence and more joy.

And may all of us have the right to be proud of who we are each and every day.

Love,

this Fag Hag.

An herb grows in Brooklyn

Transplanted mint is thriving

Repotted basil and cilantro are a little weak, but trying

And dill seeds are sprouting up

I'm an ass

I had completely written off S, previously of e-mail fame, after not hearing from him for over a week. I considered contacting him, but decided I wasn't interested enough to make the effort for someone not that into me.

So I was surprised to get an e-mail from him today, after not hearing from him for over 2 weeks. He apologized for falling off the grid. He's been in Costa Rica caring for his sick grandmother.

I'm an ass. Maybe this is why people don't date me.

dating updates

Well the post-first-date-e-mail was the highlight of that dating escapade. We had fun e-mail banter all week and made plans for a second date of drinks at a wine bar the following Monday. Here's the problem with 7PM drinks - no dinner. So this guy either needs to buy me dinner or I need to start packing a granola bar. We both agreed we were more nervous on the 2nd date - there are more expectations. And nervous equals drinking too fast, so I had had about 3 glasses of wine by 9. It was lots of fun, and I was excited for our next date.

I had bought tickets to Ricky Gervais on Wednesday, so we planned a third date at the beginning of the evening. And it was nice; it was fine. And I haven't heard from him since.

Here's the problem with dating - I'm pretty sure it activates the same part of the brain as psychosis. I had like a 24hr crazy - like a 24hr flu, except that I consumed calories rather than expunged them. I don't even think it was about him - in fact I'm 99% sure it wasn't. It's just that the possibility of a boy liking me transforms me into an insecure, hysterical 17-year-old. When the crazy passes and I calm down, I can step back and think about whether or not I'm actually attracted to the guy or just reacting to whether or not I think they're attracted to me.

Moving on. I had made tentative date plans with D on Sunday night but didn't hear back from him. You may remember Spanky from a few weeks back - well he resurfaced with a text Saturday night saying "we should plan something for the weekend." Um, not sure what you're definition of "weekend" is, but it's 10:30 Saturday, so in my book that ship has sailed.

All hope is not lost. Over the weekend I made plans to go bowling on with A. On Monday we set a time for Tuesday, and I said that I just needed to set several reminders to bring or wear socks. Yesterday I woke up to an e-mail: "Amy, did you remember to bring or wear socks?" Very sweet.

Yesterday was a gross, rainy, windy, miserable day, and The Gutter is in a very industrial part of Brooklyn, so as my umbrella flipped inside out and my hair stuck to my lip gloss I was wondering if I was really going to a bowling alley or was going to end up dead in a gutter between two warehouses.

Not gonna lie, initially a little disappointed. We got our shoes and paid (separately) and walked over to the lanes (with no alcohol!). My inner monologue went something like this: "I'm in Williamsburg, on a Tuesday, wearing plaid, bowling, with an online date, and I'm sober. How the f*ck did I end up here?"

Despite my deep-seated cynicism, however, I had fun. He bought a pitcher of beer in between strings, so that helped. The date ended with a friendly peck on the cheek and a "maybe we'll do this again sometime?"

Will someone please buy me dinner?!?!

Awww

So maybe I should stop being such a cynical bitch. I went on the date Monday night and [gasp!] had fun.

And apparently so did he, because yesterday I got this e-mail:

here are the reasons why i think you should go out with me again (funny how closely the below list is a rundown of your dream date as per your online profile)
1. I am wildly racist, an elitist classist, and a misogynist
2. When I touched you I caused "searing pain"
3. I didn't call you out for being self-deprecating when I complimented you
4. I am "really really ridiculously good looking"
5. When you're out with me I respect your need for privacy by making you spend a lot of time by yourself because I have the bladder of a pregnant woman
6. I don't know how to "be cool" and despite having watched swingers many times, I'm writing you the next day.
7. I brought a book to the bar, even though i don't know how to read, to show how cultured i am and you clearly like me cause you didn't mention that Iwas holding it upside-down
8. I'm willing to go down to south brooklyn to make you avoid having to take six trains (including the mysterious H train)

and

9. I had a really good time with you last night.

slainte,
S