Killer Food Choice

Dear Brain,

We need to talk. I know we have a long history of back-and-forth when it comes to food choices, but I usually support you either way. I understand we're going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment, and while food isn't love, it can be a nice treat. Those Hostess cupcakes last week, for example, were delicious. A nice chocolaty jolt for the sweet tooth.

But what happened the other day? You know how much happier I've been since you cut out fast food after Christmas. I understand the cravings and that you were at the end of a long road trip, but there were McDonald's, Taco Bell's and Chipotle's nearby, so why, why did you choose KFC? For the love of God, are you trying to kill me? Why didn't you just chow down on some deep fried lard balls with greasy salt sauce? What a fucking gut buster! No amount of ginger ale or toast was going to settle that upset. I have felt that awful since the bath house fight scene of Eastern Promises.

Tell you what, next time you want to spend $8 you don't have on something you don't need, go to Old Navy and buy a pair of flip flops. Then treat me to something less abrasive, like a scone or a pre-made sandwich from Trader Joe's. Remember, we're on the same team.

Now, if you don't mind, let's get one of those Naked juicy things with antioxidants and stuff. Word from the kidneys is we're going into renal failure if we don't start getting some nutrients down here.

With love,
Stomach