Interior Design?

It's been a good week hanging at the 'rents house. I miss NY, but the departure hasn't really sunk in yet. Also, I'm finding things to appreciate around here, like the never ending supply of Snackwell's cookies and the ability to do 5 loads of laundry without being interrupted by anyone. Staying at my parents' often drives me mental, but I'm trying to chill out a little and just focus on what I need to get done for the move, not on the random collection of crap in the dining room (corn on the cob shaver, my sister's Sophomore Hop picture, a how-to pamphlet for self melanoma screenings - the usual).

After looking at the lawn pictures again, however, I was struck by how incongruous the inside and the outside of 151 Prospect are, so I thought it would be informative to take others behind the landscaping.

Welcome to the wallpaper tour. We start in the kitchen, where the blue motif has always been carried over into the dishes, cups, and linens: Next we move into the dining room. Whenever I inquired about the design schemes in the house my mom would explain to me that 2 gay men lived in the house before my parents bought it. Allegedly they had matching curtains to compliment the wallpaper and it bothered Nancy immensely that they had taken the window treatments with them when they left:I imagine in the late 70s this was very nice, but it makes me think of a partridge in a pear tree, and I get hives just thinking about the pale blue tablecloth and napkins we have to suffer through at holidays.

As we move out into the living room we find a more subdued and textured pattern on the walls:

This is actually the only one of the group I would even consider using intentionally... anywhere ... ever. I do like the gold hues and think it could work in a 18th century France inspired room with a vanity and a fainting sofa. There is a shelf on the wall which displays a small collection of china tea cups and saucers which I quite like and suggests to me that at some point in her life my mother had an eye for aesthetics beyond mallards and Betty Boop. However, there's also an old arm chair with an ill-fitting slip cover and the cat's scratching post, so the theme is somewhat lost.

As we move into the hallway and up the stairs we're confronted with this:

Eww. It's even worse with the water stains near the ceiling. I'm sorry, but even in the 70s I bet this looked like vomit. Alternative sexuality or not, this could never have been chic. It's depressing and makes me want to bleach something.

In the master bedroom we encounter the most "dramatic" of the wall coverings:

If you have a sudden and inexplicable desire to go on a safari, don't worry, it's a perfectly natural reaction. What can one say about this print? It makes me think of using a bamboo reed to breathe while underwater. It also makes me think of spin art and cream cheese brownies.

Finally we come to what was, for 21-years, my sister's room and is now where I am desperately trying to sort through all my personal belongings and stalling by spending way too much time staring at the walls, literally.

I think I've finally found out why my sister was so afraid of bugs when we were little. Let's take a closer look:

Seriously, would you want to wake up every morning and have a dragon fly, albeit a wallpaper print of one, that close to your face? Dragonflies are all cute when they're bedazzled and diamante, but in real life they're gross. I think this may have had a made a strong impression on little Stephanie's psyche.

Well that concludes our tour. I hope you now have a better appreciation for why this house needs the help of every makeover program TLC produces.